Doth 2
by Frannie1
Summary: A really bizarre crossover between movie and television show charactersjust to name a few: Darkwing Duck, Newsies, Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, Mulan, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, etc. It's a fun read, I think, if you can comprehend any of the madness.
1. Parts 1 & 2

Disclaimer: Neither Aurora nor Frannie own any of the characters in this story. Actually, we own some of them, but they are not written into it yet so don't worry about that. It was not written for profit, and hence, we aren't making any off it. Just don't sue us. Also, this story is all in good fun. Granted, at times it is politically incorrect and irreverant, but it is only written late at night when we are suffering from sleep deprivation! So basically, please don't take offense, we don't mean any of it. 

PART I: THE INVASION

"Boots!" 

I lifted my head up and yawned. 

Why is he making me get up? I slammed my head against the pillow. Finally I threw off my covers and stood up. Quickly putting my shirt and suspenders on and grabbing my hat, I made my way to the water pump. 

I passed Mush and Jack. They were making some stupid joke. 

"How'd ya sleep, Jack?" I heard Mush ask. 

"On me back, Mush," was the answer. 

"GREETINGS, EARTHLINGS! WE COME IN PEACE. NO, WAIT, FORGET I SAID THAT. WE DO NOT COME IN PEACE." 

Whoa, an alien. This didn't happen in the story! "What's goin' on here?!" 

"PREPARE FOR WAR, EARTHLINGS!" 

"Crutchy, get yer gun!" 

"I'm on it, Boots!" Crutchy yelled back. 

Amazingly, his crutch turned into a gun and he began shooting at the aliens. 

"Yao, stop!" a Chinese man screeched. 

The alien was apparently Yao. Or at least it was now. 

"NO, BEANPOLE! YOU CAN'T STOP MY VIOLENT ACTIONS!" That was Yao. Another Chinese man. A lot shorter, though, and bearded. Ling, the other man was tall. He wore yellow and was a skinny fellow. 

"You didn't win!" another man shouted. He was wearing a blue jumpsuit and a blue cape. 

"Doctor Mordrid!" Boots gasped. "I am honored with yer presence!" 

The attractive man with dark hair, Dr. Mordrid, held out his hands, unleashing a powerful gust of wind, knocking Yao over. 

"NO!!!" 

"I've been shot!" Crutchy yelled. 

Boots rushed over to his friend, taking his hand and kneeling down beside him. "Crutchy, everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna make it." 

Crutchy coughed. Y'know, one of those really hacking coughs. 

Boots felt the tears streaming down his face. 

"Medic!" he yelled. "MEDIC!" he yelled again. "MEDIC!!!" 

"Right here, Boots." 

There was the medic. It was Swifty, the Asian MD. 

"Swifty," Boots gasped. "Thank god yer here." 

Swifty reached into his medical bag and pulled out a big Band-Aid. 

YES! NO! WAIT! ...and pulled out a BIG BAND-AID! 

After hours of examination, Swifty was finally ready to operate. 

But something was wrong. 

"Boots, Crutchy passed away." Swifty hugged Boots for a long time. 

When they finally broke apart, Boots ran away, sobbing his poor little heart out. 

"I'm gonna find out who did this even if it's the last thing I do!!!" Boots screamed. 

~ 

PART II: THE VILLAINESS

Meanwhile, in a tree... 

"Ha, ha, ha!" a woman cackled evilly. 

She had black hair that came down just past her shoulders and was Asian. It was Mulan, the Mighty Huntress. 

"He's dead. And I did it. I'm so proud of myself." 

She laughed again. Actually, she cackled, but I wanted to use different words. Y'know, to be creative. 

And I'm doing a great job at that. 

Meanwhile, in a bush below the tree that Mulan TMH* was in... 

"There she is," a lioness cub sneered. 

"So what?" the other cub asked. 

"So what? We have to kill her! Before she kills us!" 

They were Nuka and Vitani. Son and daughter of Zira. 

"Okay, you don't have to yell," Nuka said. 

"Yes I do! How else am I going to be able to get it through your thick head?" Vitani informed. 

"Okay, I get it!" Nuka crawled from the bush, not making a sound. 

Vitani followed. 

"Nuka!" the cub whispered. "Come back. We're not ready yet!" 

"Yes we are!" Nuka leapt for the tree, knocking Mulan off and causing them both to hit the ground with a thud. 

"ATTACK!" Vitani yelled. 

"Wait!" Mulan TMH screeched as loud as she could. "We can work together! With my great hunting skills and your brains and great hunting skills and my brains we'd make a great team!" Mulan explained. 

"Why? We have the exact same skills as you do," Vitani pointed out. 

"Yeah." Nuka came closer to Mulan. "Why would you need us?" 

"Because..." Mulan was getting nervous. She was only saying this because she didn't want to get killed. What would she tell them now? 

Mulan rolled to her right where no one was guarding her, stood up, grabbed for her spear and ran away into the woods. 

Vitani scratched at the ground. "NO!" 

~ 

*The Mighty Huntress. Get it? Yes! No! Wait! Good. 


	2. Parts 3 & 4

PART III: THE BATTLE 

Ha, haha!" Mulan giggled. "I'm free! Free as a bird! Free to frolic in the fields with the does and their fawns!" 

"That may be, Mulan the Mighty Huntress, but you will never escape me now!" Dr. Mordrid shouted, sending a glow of yellow magic towards Mulan. 

"Ah!" she screamed as it hit her with great force. 

"It appears my powers are too much for you," Mordrid pointed out. 

Mulan turned into a rabbit and cackled, "Ha! That's what you think!" She hopped away. 

He chased her. 

"You know you have no power over me in that state," Mulan called back to him. 

"That may be. But I can cast a spell!" He thrust his arms out and the might huntress was frozen in place. 

"What? What?? WHAT????" Mulan screeched. "I-I can't move! No!! This can't be happening!" 

"But it is! I've beaten you, mighty huntress. Face it! I am more powerful than you will ever be!" 

Mulan strove to move. She strove and strove and strove. But it was all to no avail--she couldn't even move her little bunny tail! "MORDRID!!!!" she cried, her voice filled with fury. "I shall kill you!! THAT IS MY VOW!!! YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE MY WRATH!!!!!" 

Suddenly, a great tiger bounded into the clearing. It ran towards Mordrid and leapt at his chest, knocking him forcefully to the ground. 

"Rajah!" Mulan yelled. "Free me!" 

Rajah looked torn. He wanted to kill Dr. Mordrid, Master of the Unknown, but his mistress called to him. What to do, what to do? But finally, with a threatening growl in Mordrid's direction, the giant tiger pranced merrily to the Mighty Huntress. 

"Rajah, my pet," she purred. Rajah purred as well. "The Doctor is mine. He will find, if he tries to escape, that his way is barred by all the animals of the forest." 

Indeed, when Mordrid rose to his feet, intending to make his escape, he found animals ringed around the clearing. Big animals and small animals; animals of all shapes and sizes and colors; lions and tigers and bears, oh my! and also several mobile forms of plant life that wanted a piece of the action. 

"You'll never get away with this, Mulan!" he shouted. "The forces of good will prevail, and you will be banished from this dimension!" 

"Ha ha ha. Ha...haha...haha. Ha." Mulan enjoyed the sound of her own voice very much. "I think NOT! Doctor Mordrid, you and your pathetic 'forces of good' perish here and now, in this pleasant little forest clearing! Because you see these animals? These animals hate you! They hate your magic! They hate your voice! But do you know what they hate most of all?!" 

Mordrid stared defiantly at her. "What?" 

"They hate your blue jumpsuit! They want to know why they don't get jumpsuits of their own!" She cackled. "But I'm afraid they won't get the chance to know, because you'll be too dead to answer! Haha!" 

Mordrid thrust his arms toward her, but no sorcery shot towards his adversary. "What?!" he murmured incredulously to himself. "She has no power of her own!" When he glanced back up, Mulan was advancing towards him. He realized he couldn't move, either. Whoa, that was wild, when did it happen? He didn't think that. The narrator did. 

But anyway, he realized he couldn't move. Mulan was coming closer...there was no escape. But wait! The power of the mind was absolute! That was the first lesson every sorcerer learned! Of course! 

He closed his eyes--actually, he didn't, because he couldn't move--and willed not his power back, oh no, but the animals in the clearing. Yes, it was the animals in the clearing--and of course the several mobile forms of plant life-- that he spoke to with his mind. 

But he didn't need to speak to them. The animals were shocked and outraged at what Mulan had done to them. She had betrayed them! She had PROMISED to ask about the jumpsuits. She had. The does and their fawns had been there to witness it--she had said, "Cross my heart, sure as hell won't die, stick a needle in your eye". The animals of the forest were VERY upset at this chewed off end of the staff they were suddenly being offered. 

And so just as Doctor Mordrid, Master of the Unknown, was about to meet his doom at the point of Mulan the Mighty Huntress's arrowhead necklace, the animals charged her! It was a veritable stampede of big animals and small animals; animals of all shapes and sizes and colors; lions and tigers and bears, oh my! and also several mobile forms of plant life who were definitely NOT going to miss out on any of this action! They swarmed over Mulan, stopping her before she could reach Mordrid, and boy oh boy they made her regret her broken promise! While she tried to fight the animals off, her spell on Doctor Mordrid was broken! She had stolen his powers using Rajah, who actually wasn't a tiger at all! He was a lens for focusing magic and he had focused Mordrid's to Mulan instead! 

Doctor Mordrid was eternally grateful to the animals of the forest for their kind deeds. So in return, he raised his arms to the sky. Lightning flashed, blinding everyone in the clearing, and when they could see again, Mordrid was gone. But from the sky rained jumpsuits. Jumpsuits of all colors and sizes! Red and yellow and orange and green and purple and pink and white and gray and yes, even blue! The animals of the forest all raised their voices in a great cheer for Doctor Mordrid, Master of the Unknown. For on this day, not only had he give them their hearts' desires, but he had also made them see the error of following Mulan the Mighty Huntress and believing her when she promised things to them! Never again would they fall under her spell. Never again. Never. Ever. 

Never. 

Never. 

~ 

PART IV: SADDLE UP; LOCK AND LOAD

"Men!" Ling shouted. "Let's saddle up! Lock and load." 

The "men" consisted of Boots, Mush, Yao, Nuka, and Vitani. They all had guns. I don't know what kind but I know they're guns. 

"I'm not a man," Vitani growled. 

"Close enough!" Ling shrugged. 

"Don't we have more men?" Yao asked. 

"Yeah, 'de guys in my lodgin' house," Boots answered. 

Several boys came down the stairs of the lodging house that Boots had spoke of. 

There were: Snipeshooter, Racetrack Higgins, and Kid Blink (I know that's not SEVERAL but it's close enough). 

"Boots, what's goin' on?" the dark-haired boy, Racetrack, asked. 

"We're preparin' fer war." At Race, Blink, and Snipes's confused looks, he added, "Mulan 'de Mighty Huntress KILLED Crutchy. We need ta get 'er." 

"Grab a gun!" Ling said happily. Wait, he thought to himself. I don't want this woman dead. What did she do to me? Nothing. 

"Ling, you're coming with us," Yao stated. "We split up into search parties. One group going one way and the other group going the other way." 

"Okay." Ling walked over to his group--Vitani, Race, Boots, Yao, and himself. 

The other group was Blink, Snipes, and Nuka. Nuka had insisted that he be in the smaller group. It's more quiet that way. 

As Ling's group set out into the darkening sky, Boots though to himself, My friends are dead. And there is NOTHING I can DO about it. Well, that's about enough of that. 

"Boots!" Race called. "We've found something!" 

Ling knelt down next to the dark figure. "What is it?" He looked up at Yao. 

"HE is a Ferengi Starfleet officer," a new voice broke in. "And I would like to treat his wound." 

"Who're you?" Ling asked in awe. The owner of the new voice looked like a real loser. It was amazing. 

"Doctor Julian Subatoi Bashir." Julian's hair was swept back by a long and powerful gust of wind as the sky was flooded with a bright green light. 

"Shield yer eyes!" Boots shouted, covering his eyes with his arm. 

"Nog, are you alright?" the doctor spoke again, emphasizing his strong British accent. 

"I'm fine, Doctor," the Ferengi mumbled. He sat up. Now everyone could see his big head, big ears and small eyes. His skin was the color of a nectarine (if you've ever seen one). 

"Hey, Yao. He's uglier than you!" Ling laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and (just tell me when to stop) laughed. 

"Shaddup!" Boots and Race chorused. 

"Look, Doctor Bashir Subatoi or whatever your name is! We have work to do, if you don't mind," Vitani said angrily. 

"A talking animal!" Julian gasped. "How peculiar..." 

"Can we get back to work please?" Vitani asked. "You know how much I love to chat but we have work to do! Remember?" 

"What? Is it all work and no play to you?" Boots asked. "Dat's kinda weird." 

"When we've finished with Mulan, my brother and I will come back for you," Vitani growled. 

"I get 'de point," Boots whimpered. 

"Good." Vitani walked in the other direction. 

~ 


	3. Parts 5 & 6

PART V: SADNESS

After many hours of fruitless searching, Boots and the rest of his search party--Ling, Yao, Vitani and Race, remember--made their mournful way back to the Newsboys Lodging House, where a funeral for Crutchy was being held. Boots gazed off into the distance as the coffin was placed into the hearse. He saw a policeman with a young boy--presumably his son. The policeman removed his hat, paying his last respects to Crutchy. 

Boots wondered who he was. 

Suddenly, just as the hearse was about to drive away, a man wearing glasses, a blue shirt, black pants, and a tie ran down the street, screaming, "WAIT! STOP THAT HEARSE!" 

The hearse obeyed. Well, actually, it was the guy that was driving the hearse that obeyed. The man finally reached the mourning newsies, lion, and Chinese people. He stuck out his hand and introduced himself, "Herbert West." 

"You look like Doctor Mordrid, Master of the Unknown," Boots said. He didn't shake Herbert's hand. He didn't feel secure doing so. Herbert West creeped him out. "Why are you here?" he asked tearfully. 

Herbert whipped a syringe out of his front pocket. It was filled with a day-glo green liquid. "We can bring him back to LIFE!" he exclaimed, punctuating his words with a shake of the syringe. 

Ling, Yao, Vitani, Race, and Boots gasped. "You can do that?" Ling asked, tears sparkling in his eyes. 

"With my re-agent? Yes, of course." Suddenly he glared at the people gathered around him hopefully. "But let's get one thing straight--you'll never get credit for MY discovery." 

"Just bring him back!" Race cried, clinging to Herbert's arm. 

Herbert pulled his arm free and approached the coffin. Conveniently, there was a shovel laying in the road. He picked it up and hit it against the coffin with all his strength until it broke open, revealing Crutchy's body. "Look at that," he murmured to himself. "And NO tissue damage." Lightening flashed as he raised the syringe above his head. And then it flashed again as he plunged it into Crutchy's chest and injected the day-glo green liquid into the dead boy's heart. "Time!" he called. 

"What?" Boots asked, very confused. 

"I said, TIME!" Herbert yelled. 

Vitani sighed in exasperation and glanced at her watch. "Fifteen seconds." After many more seconds, she informed him, "Forty-five seconds." After many more seconds, she informed him again, "Three minutes, fifteen seconds." 

"It's going to take time!" Herbert snapped. He looked back to Crutchy's corpse. "C'mon..." After staring intensely at the body, he muttered, "I'll show you. I'll show YOU!" He slammed his fist down on the coffin...but nothing happened. 

Boots looked up at West, his eyes reflecting betrayal and hurt. "You said you could bring him back! You lied!" 

"No!" Herbert yelled desperately. 

"This is all your madness!" Boots accused. 

"Just what are you insinuating?" 

"I think you know exactly what we're insinuating!" Race jumped in, his tone just as furious as Boots's. 

"Oh really?" Herbert retorted. "I didn't see you rejecting my work when CRUTCHY was lying there dead! Where were your great ideals then?!" 

Suddenly, Crutchy groaned and his eyes opened. "Re-animation! We have re-animation at five minutes fifty-five seconds!" Herbert cried in excitement. 

"What?" Crutchy asked. He was, as Boots had been earlier, very confused. "What's going on? WHAT is going on?! WHAT IS going ON?!" The re-animated newsie put his hands on the side of the coffin and pulled himself to a sitting position, then bothered to actually look down at his surroundings. "Why am I in a coffin?" he asked in a puzzled tone. 

"My god!" Herbert yelled. "It worked! Finally, my re-agent didn't produce violent tendencies and the need to kill!" 

"Excuse me?" Boots and Race questioned simultaneously. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...whoa whoa whoa whoa," Boots went on. "Whoa. Are you telling me that he might've woken up and wanted to kill all of us?" 

"Yes," Herbert admitted. "But it was worth the risk. Do you have any idea what I've done? I can save EVERYONE'S life! There will be NO MORE death!" 

"You're insane," Crutchy stated. 

Herbert drew in a long breath. "Yes, I am. I am insane. But even you can see what my insanity has brought about! Without my insanity you'd still be lying it that coffin, about to be taken to some cemetery and buried, where you'd decay, that is until someone came along and dug up your grave hoping to find something valuable. They they'd probably deface your coffin and your headstone because you DIDN'T have anything valuable, and where would you be then?! I'll tell you where you'd be!" 

"Um, in the ground?" Crutchy guessed. "What happened, anyway? The last thing I remember Swifty was spending hours and hours examining me. 

A look of amazement crossed Ling's face. "Maybe you died of BOREDOM!!" 

"He could have died four times over and my re-agent STILL would have brought him back!" Suddenly, the mad scientist collapsed in tears. 

"What's wrong?" Boots asked him, tears beginning to stream down his face as well at the sight of someone else in emotional pain. 

"I...I'm sorry...I can't stay here any longer!" Herbert ran down the street again, sobbing uncontrollably. 

And Boots, Crutchy, Ling, Yao, Race, and Vitani wept. 

~ 

PART VI: DEADLY DECEPTION

"Run!" Snipes gasped with his last breath. 

Nuka bounded after the two New Yorkers as the Mighty Huntress chased them down the dark and spooky path. 

She laughed maniacally and charged after them, screaming, "I'll get you, my pretties!" 

Suddenly, Snipes tripped and fell. He didn't see the root sticking out of the earth below him. 

"Help!" he screamed. 

"I'm comin', buddy!" Blink called, quickly changing direction and going back for his young friend. 

Unfortunately, the Mighty Huntress was right on their tails. Blink picked his friend up and ran towards Nuka. 

Mulan plunged her spear through the air right towards Blink. 

It hit him. Right in the back. The center of his back. 

Blood splurted everywhere (mostly all over Snipes). 

"BLINK!!!" Snipes screamed. "NO!!!!" 

Mulan knelt over Blink's limp body. I'm sorry," she said. 

"You're not sorry!" Snipes yelled through the tears streaming down his face. 

"Yes, I am." 

"You are not!! You KILLED him! YOU killed HIM!! YOU KILLED KID BLINK!!! MY BEST FRIEND!!!" 

"Look, kid. You think I like my job?" she asked. "I hate it! I hate killing innocent people! I hate KILLING in general!" 

Snipes shook his head and dropped to the ground, shaking uncontrollably. 

She put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay." Mulan took out a rope and quickly tied Snipes's hands up, dragging him away. 

Nuka, on the other hand, kept running. He could run all day if he had to. 

Five minutes later, he got tired and laid down to rest. 

Distantly, he thought he could here voices. But that wasn't real. He was imagining it. He was imagining it all. 

The pool of water is sitting oh, five feet away from him. That was all his imagination. 

But that didn't matter, he was falling into a deep sleep... 

Maybe I should keep going, he thought when he finally woke up. Maybe I should keep resting. Maybe I should eat Blink's corpse. So many maybes, so little time. 

Nuka got up from where he had been laying for the past few hours. He shook his head. For once, there were no fleas! For once! (I mean termites) For once, there were no termites! For once! 

The sun was high in the sky. It was burning, scorching and deadly that day. It could burn a hole through your skin (of fur). 

That's why Nuka was afraid. He didn't want to die of starvation, or even die at all, for that matter. He wanted to live! Live to be old. Live to share a sunny day in the Pridelands with his family. Live to eat meat! 

But that wasn't going to happen. He was going to die out here. All alone. Which was the exact opposite of what he wanted. He wanted to die with his family at his side. Not that he had much of a family. 

But Nuka kept walking. It was really getting hot now. He felt his skin burning underneath his heavy fur coat. But he kept walking. He'd walk until he found his sister's group. He wanted her to be there when he died of starvation. 

But am I really, really going to die of starvation? he asked himself. Am I really going to die? I sure hope not. 

Still, he trudged on. Through the sparkling desert sand. 

Finally Nuka saw something. And this time, it was real. The other group. The other group! 

"Run!" he told himself. And he ran. He ran like the wind on a breezy autumn day. He ran like the water in a babbling brook. He ran like a deer, trying to get away from it's hunter. 

"Vitani!" he shouted to his sister. 

She turned and looked at him. "Nuka!" She was waving her paws at him. Maybe trying to tell him something. "Stop! Don't move!" 

Nuka stopped, almost toppling head over feet. "Why?" he asked. "Why do I have to stop?" 

"Look!" She pointed all around him. There was some energy field. But what was it? 

"What is it?" he called. 

"Don't worry about what it is! Our friend can get you out of it!" Vitani yelled back. 

Doctor Julian Subatoi Bashir stepped up to the blue energy field. "Hello, little fellow. What's your name?" 

"I'm not a little fellow and I'd appreciate it if you'd get me outta here!" Nuka screamed. 

"Alright." 

The doctor looked hurt. But Nuka didn't care. He just wanted out. 

Bashir took out a strange looking, mechanical device and began tapping it in different places. 

"Something seems to be malfunctioning," he muttered. 

"What?!" Nuka screeched. "Malfunctioning? You gotta get me outta here!" 

"Well, well, well. Doctor Julian Bashir. What a pleasant surprise," came a new voice. 

"Weyoun," Julian gasped. "What are you doing here?" 

"That's none of your concern, Doctor," Weyoun answered. 

"I think that it is," Julian stated coldly. 

"I have no time for foolish games, Doctor. I'd like to take my specimen and leave." 

"You're not going anywhere." 

Weyoun gave a soft chuckle at Julian's expense (well, hell, who wouldn't laugh at him). "Do you really think you can stop me? You and what army?" With another laugh, he faded away into thin air, just as Vitani leapt at him, claws extended, to HURT him. 

"Argh!" she yelled. "I almost had him! I almost killed him! I want to kill him! I want to kill him! I WANT HIM TO DIE!!!" She stuck her jaw out and opened her mouth slightly, displaying her sharpety-sharp teeth. Sharpety sharpety sharp. Ha ha ha. "Vitani!" Ling grabbed her shoulders (only she's a lion, so that would be kind of hard) and yelled, "Get a grip on yourself! We'll get your brother back! Don't worry!" 

"Yeah!" Mush, a newsie who hasn't said anything up to this point (I bet you didn't even realize he was there) exclaimed. "Take care of yourself! We need you!" He ran a hand through his hair and collapsed to the ground. 

"Mush, what's wrong?!" Race yelled, falling to his friend's side and taking his hand. 

Mush let out a hacking cough that wracked his steroid enhanced body. "Race...I have only one request before I die. For I know that is my fate--to die. And die I must. But I am not afraid of death. I do not want you to fear for me." 

"Mush, your last request!" Race didn't want Must to die before he got wanted he wanted. Before Mush got what he wanted, not Race. 

Mush coughed again. "Right. Sorry. I want you...to tell Blink...that I love him. I've always loved him. I always will love him. Tell him that. Tell him--" 

He died. 

"MUSH!!!" Race cried, tears streaming down his face. 

Crutchy levitated over to his friend. The levitating was a side effect of the re-animation. Dr. West has really come a long way from the medical student bringing back violent zombies that he once was. "It's okay," Crutchy comforted his sobbing friend, placing a hand on Race's shoulder. "Mush never told you, but he had a horrible, horrible disease. He knew he was going to die anyway. Actually, he told me and Boots. He told everyone except you. It was the weirdest thing, he knew the exact hour. I don't know what that's all about." 

"SHUTUP!!" Race screamed through the tears streaming down his face. "YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL!! I HATE YOU!! I HOPE YOU DIE TOO!! MUST DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE!! YOU SHOULD DIE!! YOU SHOULD DIE YOU SHOULD DIE YOU SHOULD DIE!!!!!" 

Crutchy backed away slowly, beginning to fear for his life. He'd seen this before. Well, he really hadn't, but he liked to pretend he did. It made him seem smarter and more important than he really was. I mean, how important...never mind. 

Julian sighed suddenly and spoke up for the first time in a while, saying sorrowfully, "I had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but I see now that there's no other way." The Starfleet officer reached behind his back and pulled out a chainsaw, which he turned on while advancing towards a quivering Race. Paying no heed to the boy's fear, he calmly chainsawed him apart, piece by quivering piece. I'm telling you, those pieces of Race were shaking like Jell-O. Green Jell-O, actually. If you can imagine. 

Julian grinned while the rest of the people looked on in horror. Then, without warning, he began to melt (imagine a cross between the guy in the end of "Necronomicon: Book of the Dead" and Pretorious from "From Beyond" and you're set). His flesh slowly dripped from his face onto the ground, where it lay in steaming heaps. he began laughing maniacally as the rest of his body melted. "My mistress will see the death of all of you," he hissed. "And I will drink your blood and feast on your flesh...and it will taste sweet." 

They all screamed in terror, until Boots snatched Crutchy's crutch from him and whacked the thing that had been Julian. It fell to the ground, a mass of rotting flesh and bones. 

"Whew, that was a close one." Boots handed the crutch back to its rightful owner and danced a little jig. When he was done everyone applauded and cried, "Encore! Encore!" 

Boots smiled modestly and blushed, the said, "Oh, I simply couldn't. Maybe some other time." 

Everyone sighed sadly, for surely it was a great loss for talent like Boots's to go unnoticed and unused. But that's business, what can ya do. 

Boots, Crutchy, Vitani, Ling, and Yao began to walk away. Away from the death and destruction of the place they had been standing before. They had to find Nuka. And Snipes. And Blink. So that they could...well, they weren't really sure what they wanted to do. What exactly was the point of this? As the narrator, I can say that I have wondered the same question throughout this beyond weird tale. Vitani just wanted to rid the world of Mulan so she and her brother could go back to the Pridelands. Ling and Yao just wanted to go back to China. Crutchy wasn't really sure what he wanted--after all, he was still fairly young. He didn't know what school he'd go to or what he'd do after college. And Boots, of course, wanted to be a professional dancer, but only in the deepest, darkest depths of his soul. No one else knew about that. It was kind of embarrassing. So to everyone else's knowledge, he just wanted to be a real boy. A real boy. A REAL BOY!" 

Suddenly, they all heard a crackling noise behind them. Dear god. What was it?! It was the thing that had been Julian! They watched as it slowly oozed towards them and pulled its limbs together. "Ah!" Ling screamed. "Run!" 

Boots grabbed the frail man's arm. "No! We have to fight this thing!" 

Ling's eyes widened in fear. "We can't fight it! It's unstoppable! Can't you see that?! We're all gonna die!" 

"No!" Yao stepped in front of all the people. "I'll stay back and fight the beast." 

"But, Yao--" Ling protested. 

"No buts, Ling. Go! Run! Save yourselves! You need to live!" You felt the tears streaming down his face. "Look at these faces. These are the faces of frightened people. These are the faces of--" 

"Yao, it's right behind you!" Ling screeched. 

Yao never finished his sentence. I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking that Yao died, aren't you? Well, he didn't. He began to fight the thing that was Julian. He fought and fought and fought. 

"RUN!" was Yao's last word. 

Paying respect to their brave friend, they ran. They ran and ran and ran, until they couldn't run any more. Or in Crutchy's case, levitated and levitated and levitated, until he couldn't levitate anymore. 

Finally, when they had all gotten their breath back, they stated simultaneously, "We should find Blink and Snipes." 

~ 


	4. Parts 7 & 8

PART VII: ATTEMPTED ESCAPE

"Mulan, you'll nevah get away wid dis!" Snipes yelled. He was in Mulan's seaside castle. She had him locked in a dungeon. Like an animal. 

"Oh, you silly boy. I get away with everything." She cackled softly. "You think your stupid little friends can save you now? I'd like to see them try." She cackled again. 

"Can you not cackle? It's getting on my nerves." 

"I didn't bring you hear so I could cater to your every need!" Mulan warned menacingly. 

Snipes made a face and shook the bars of his cell as hard as he could. 

"Don't tire yourself, little Snipeshooter. That cell is powered by magic," Mulan explained with another cackle. 

"You don't have any magic," Snipes said. 

"You, it isn't my magic, it's someone else's." Mulan cackled yet again. This is the fourth time, in case you forgot. 

*I'm never going to get out of here,* Snipes thought. But wait! What was that? A bottle of poison, perhaps? Yes! Rat poison! And so conveniently close to the cell, too. But how would he get her to drink it...how? 

*Oh, look! I can take off the label and set it in plain sight so she might drink it! But that would never work...* Snipes felt the tears streaming down his face. He sobbed. And he sobbed and he sobbed some more. He sobbed for many hours. But then he stopped. He had spotted something that he had not seen before. The keys. They keys to his cell. They might be in his reach if he stretched his arm to its full length. Carefully, trying not to make a sound, he slipped his arm out of the cell, reaching, REACHING for the keys. He just had to reach a little further, then the keys would be his. 

*Reach*, he told himself. *REACH!* 

And he reached. He reached and reached and reached. But he still couldn't get his hands on the keys. 

"This is hopeless," he muttered. "I suck. I suck at everything. I suck at getting keys! I suck at saving my friends! I suck at colors!" He looked down and saw something shiny and red. "Ooo, licorice!" he squealed. "I love dat stuff!" Snipes picked the candy up and shoved it into his mouth. "Nummy, candy is good." 

"I bet it is," Mulan said coldly. "Now give it to me. I see the other piece you're hiding. Give it to me...NOW!" 

*This is my chance*, he thought. Quickly pouring rat poison on the piece of candy, he gave it to her. 

She took a bite. "This has an interesting taste. What flavor is it?" she asked. 

"Rat poison," he said calmly. 

"Rat poison..." 

"Yeah. Have some more!" He threw the glass bottle of poison at her. She fell back as it hit her and in doing so, kicked the keys right into the keyhole. The keys turned, unlocking the door, and Snipes ran out of the castle, taking the keys with him. 

"You little streetrat!" Mulan screamed. "AH!!!" 

Once Snipes had escaped from the dungeons of Mulan's castle (he had tried to get OUT of the castle, but he realized he had no idea how to do that) he ran down the hall, insanely happy, but also a little frightened. With good reason, eh? He wanted to sing. But he wanted to sing a song that sang of fear and anger, not sing a song that sang a song of singing and laughter and singing songs that sang of happiness. Whoa, wait...Snipes was confused. He didn't know what door to take! Which door to take, which door to take? If he took the door on the right would there be cake? Or the door on the left, would he be charged with theft? He didn't know. It was going to snow! And there was NOTHING he could do about it! "Oh, what I wouldn't give for some popcorn right now," he mumbled. "With REAL butter. None of that glorified floor wax for me." 

Suddenly, a phantom menace rose up in front of him! I guarantee you, neither Snipes nor myself are Star Wars fans. So get that thought out of your little mind! Eh? Heh? Good. 

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!!" Snipes screamed, whipping the keys around his body in a whirlwind of steel and fury. The phantom menace gave a cry of anguish and was vanquished for the time being. "Whew," Snipes sighed in relief. One foe defeated with. But how many more would there be before he escaped this place? It was like hell on earth! 

"Yeah," Snipes panted thoughtfully as he ran. "That's exactly what it's like! Hell on earth!" 

"Is dat wot yuu tink oof uus?" a frightening mixture of Norwegian, German, and Klingon accents. It was only one voice, and it was speaking English, or whatever language Snipes could understand, but those were the accents that it had. "Wee ah nuut heel un urth." 

Snipes wheeled around (which was actually pretty stupid; since the voice was behind him, it was presumable that the owner of the voice was as well, and he could have kept running untroubled. But he wheeled around. 

A huge hummingbird was standing there. It was green and red and white, with big, cartoony eyes, a flower on its beak, and a mouth. At the moment, it was pouting, a very odd expression for a hummingbird. Actually, it's a very odd expression for any kind of bird. "Wee ah noot heel un urth!" the giant hummingbird exclaimed. 

"Noo, wee ah noot!" another voice that sounded exactly the same (maybe a little deeper, Snipes decided) agreed. Another oversized animal came into view, though this time it was a raccoon holding some kind of cookie in one of its paws. 

"What the hell?" Snipes mumbled. Now would have been the ideal time to make a run for it, while both the oversized animals were pouting (for indeed, the raccoon had the same expression on its face as the hummingbird), but he was too stunned to move. 

"Muwan gave uus de abeelty to speak," the raccoon explained. It only took Snipes approximately thirty seconds to decipher the strange accent with which the raccoon spoke. "Mayee name ees Mikoh." 

"Mikoh...?" Snipes mumbled, astounded. Dear god, if these things were indebted to Mulan, then they would probably do anything for her. 

"Noo! MEE...KOH!" the oversized raccoon yelled in anger. 

"Ind I em Fleet," the hummingbird offered. 

"Fleet..." 

"NOO! FLIT!" the oversized hummingbird yelled. "Doon't see mayee name wong! Doon't doon't doon't!" 

"Okay! Jesus Christ!" Snipes yelled back, finally breaking the spell of awe that held him steadfast. He began to run away from the oversized animals, hoping and believing with all his heart that he could escape from two fat, ugly animals such as they were. 

"Geet bok heeya!" Flit screamed. 

"No!" Snipes shouted, exhilarated by the sense of freedom he was experiencing. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Meeko shrieked, throwing himself at Snipes and coming down on the boy with a loud, flabby thud. 

"Wheere did eet go?" Meeko asked, confused. He sat up and found Snipes plastered to the ground. "Ooh. Oops." 

The two fat, ugly animals peeled him off the ground and brought him to a dungeon cell different than the one he'd been in before. 

He laid there, wheezing, before picking himself up and leaning against the back wall with his head hanging. 

"Oh, Mr. Banana Brain, we'll never get out of here," a mournful voice lamented. 

"Sure we will," another voice, one that sounded remarkably like the last, only higher, comforted. 

"How? That mean lady's got us locked in here, and there're no keys. No rat poison, either." A long sigh. "We're both gonna die in here...behind bars...no toys...no playtime..." 

"Oh, would you just shutup?!" another voice exclaimed from a cell on Snipes's other side. "What about me? I haven't recharged for THREE MONTHS! This place is like a concentration camp!" 

"Deal with it, Sparky." 

"Don't call me Sparky!" 

"What are you gonna do? You said yourself you haven't recharged for three months! You can't touch me, na na-na na naaaa na!" 

"Shutup, duck!" 

Snipes bothered to look up at this strange outburst. The first voice that had spoken belonged to a human-sized duck dressed in a jester costume. The second voice belonged to the jester duck's banana puppet, and the voice on the other side belonged to a human-sized rat/dog/weasel creature who had his face smashed up against the bars of his cell and his arms stuck through into Snipes's. The boy felt the tears streaming down his face. Who were these crazy people? And what WAS that rat/dog/weasel creature? Well, obviously it was a rat/dog/weasel creature, but there had to be a soul within that rat/dog/weaseliness! 

"Why don't you shutup?!" the duck yelled. 

"Why don't you?!" 

Snipes couldn't take any more of this bickering. "STOP YOUR BICKERING!!!" he screeched. 

"Did you know he was here?" asked the rat/dog/weasel creature. 

"No, did you?" 

"Deep breaths, take deep breaths," Snipes told himself. Once he had calmed down, he approached the middle of his cell. Very slowly, carefully pronouncing each syllable, he said, "My name is Snipes. Sniiiiiipppessss." 

"Look, we can speak English, kid," the jester duck snapped. 

"Oh!" Snipes blushed furiously. "So, what're your names?" 

The rat/dog/weasel creature spoke first. "My name is HIGHLY confidential." 

"Quackerjack." The duck pointed to himself with these words, then at the other creature. "He's Megavolt." 

Snipes stared at the puppet. "And...um...who's that?" 

"Mr. Banana Brain," Megavolt snickered. "A figment of Quacky's imagination." 

"Hey! Watch it Sparky! Mr. Banana Brain doesn't take kindly to insults directed at his person!" 

"That's right, Sparky," Mr. Banana Brain confirmed. 

"DON'T call me SPARKY," Megavolt growled through gritted teeth. 

"Hey! Quiet down down here!" Mulan screeched suddenly, swooping into the room. Megavolt and Quackerjack screamed and covered their heads while she pulled out two large guns. 

"No, Mrs. Mulan, don't hurt us!" Megavolt whimpered, turning his face up to her. 

Mulan just cackled. She did that a lot. And she was pitiless, Snipes realized. She'd crush them all like little bugs! Like little magpies! No, wait, magpies were birds, not bugs. What was the word he was looking for...? Oh! Oh YEEAAH! Maggots! She'd crush them all like little MAGGOTS! He began to cry, the tears streaming down his face like so many rivers of shattered hopes and dreams! Noooo! The little sobbing boy began to beat the ground with his fists, and this caused Mulan, Quackerjack, and Megavolt to stare at him. 

"Shut him up!' Mulan ordered. Megavolt and Quackerjack looked at each other helplessly and the Mighty Huntress shouted again, "Shut him up or one of you gets it!" 

"Give him a lollipop!" Megavolt exclaimed. 

"I don't have one!" 

"You're a clown! Like you don't have candy!" 

"I have candy!" Mulan cackled. "But you're not getting any! Ha ha haha ha HAAA!" 

"Hey kid," Megavolt attempted. "Be quiet! We're all gonna die if you don't!" More sobbing. "Hey! Hey! Quacky will give you candy!" 

"I will not!" Quackerjack objected. 

"He'll give you toys!" To Quackerjack, he said, "Give him you puppet. You don't need him." 

"Are you crazy?!" 

"I thought we knew that already!" 

"Okay, that's it!" Mulan yelled. Her voice was suddenly a lot deeper. "Now you're going to get it!" She pulled the triggers of the two large guns. Out of one shot a barrage of banana cream pies, all of which hit Quackerjack in the face. Out of the other shot a jet-stream of water, which blasted into Megavolt at fifty million miles per hour. He shorted out, so the water actually ended up doing a lot more damage than the banana cream pies. I mean, c'mon, who doesn't want a banana cream pie shot at him/herself? 

Mulan threw the smoking guns down. "Next time it'll be a lot worse." 

"Die crustacean!" Quackerjack yelled at Mulan's receding back. Then he ate the banana cream pie guts off his face. 

"Are you a witch?!" a man that looked and sounded amazingly like both Dr. Mordrid AND Herbert West questioned sharply. 

"Do I look like a witch to you?" Quackerjack demanded. 

"Oh. Guess not. Sorry." 

"Yeah, you should be. Hey Megs! Get up!" 

Megavolt coughed, and rings of blue smoke drifted from his mouth. "I can't take this anymore! I gotta break out! I'm crazy enough without rotting away in here getting even crazier!" he ranted. 

"Don't start crying!" Quackerjack exclaimed. "You remember what happened last time! You shorted out! Mr. Banana Brain stuck to you for two weeks, you were so negatively charged!" 

Tears welled up in Megavolt eyes, threatening to stream down his face at any moment. "It doesn't matter! It's gone! All the electricity is gone! I'll never get it back!" 

Quackerjack threw Mr. Banana Brain at Megavolt, and the puppet hit the latter's head with a clunk. "Snap out of it!" Quackerjack ordered. "And gimme Mr. Banana Brain back," he added plaintively. 

"Look, do you guys wanna get outta here, or not?" Snipes asked, annoyed. 

They both nodded. 

"Okay. Then I have a plan. Because if you DIDN'T wanna get out, I probably wouldn't have a plan--" 

"Yeah yeah, we get it. So what's the plan?" 

"I don't know. But I HAVE a plan." 

PART VIII: SUSPICIONS 

Boots and Vitani trudged through the desert sand. 

"Why did I have to be with you, anyway?" she growled. 

"Hey, this ain't no tea an' crumpets for me, either!" he shouted. 

"Shows what you know!" Vitani fought. "You don't drink tea with crumpets!" 

"Yes you do!" 

"Silence!" 

They both looked up. 

"I am the terror...that flaps in the night! I...am the newspaper...that just won't sell! I...am Darkwiiiiiing...Duck!" 

The two stared blankly at the duck wearing a purple suit, mask, cape, and hat. Well, actually, the hat was black and purple. 

"This is the part where you say, "Argh, Darkwing Duck, my arch-enemy!" 

"But..." Boot began, only to be shoved out of the way by Vitani. 

"Look, buster, I don't know who you are, but I don't like you invading my turf!" she snarled. 

"Your TURF?" The duck laughed. "In case you hadn't noticed, you're in the middle of a desert. However, I am here to stop your atrocious actions!" 

"I have wax in my mouth!" Boots shrieked suddenly at the top of his lungs. 

Vitani slapped him upside the head. "Shutup!" 

"No!" Boots yelled. He felt the tears stream down his face. "It's like...like I don't belong here! No one cares about me! No me...or the wax build-up in my mouth! YOU took away my victory!" In the middle of his sob-story, Boots's voice suddenly became about three octaves deeper. "For that I'll have your HEAD! CHICKEN!!!!!!" 

Vitani looked to the sobbing heap of the ground (Boots), then to Darkwing. "I only met the kid yesterday, honestly," she lied. 

"I get. Let's get you tikes to the local jail." He grabbed Boots's arms, then Vitani's. 

"Why?" Vitani questioned. "We're standing out in the middle of some desert that shouldn't even be here, and he's freaking out because of wax build-up in his mouth. There's nothing here to rob. And there's no jail." 

Darkwing blinked. "You actually have a point there." 

"Yeah, no kidding." 

With a sigh, the duck sat down in the sand of the desert that shouldn't have been there. "You know, I think the problem is that I'm just way too suspicious. I see someone, and wham! I'm accusing them of some detestable dereliction." 

"It's in your nature," Vitani consoled him. "I mean, you ARE a crimefighter. That's what makes you so good at what you do. You KNOW when something's going on. And then you have the guts to go out there and stop it! It's a gift, not a curse! A blessing! So whaddaya say?" 

"That you two are up to something." 

"NoooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOo oooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Boots howled. 

Vitani kicked him. "We're not, Mr. Duck. But we CAN tell you someone who is..." 

~ 


	5. Parts 9 & 10

PART IX: Love

It was a rainy day. You could hear the clippity-clop of the horses' hooves clippity clopping against the road. Ling and Crutchy were atop of them. Of course, I mean the horses. 

"Ling, do you think we'll ever find Blink and Snipes?" Crutchy asked sadly. 

"I don't know. But I do know this--being a peacemaker means being able to communicate what you want, need, think, and fell." Ling felt the tears stream down his face. 

"How does that help?" Crutchy asked boredly. 

"Well, it doesn't, I just felt like saying it," the other man replied. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve, then took out a whip. "Yah!" he yelled, whipping the air. 

Crutchy did the same and they rode off through the grassy hills and fields. 

"Doesn't it fell good?" asked Ling. "Have you ever felt this good? Have you ever felt happy? Truly happy?" 

"Well, considering the fact that two of my friends are missing I don't fell very good," Crutchy replied nastily. 

"Y'know, am getting darned sick of your attitude, you little upstart!" 

"Well, I'M not the one who keeps crying!" 

Ling chuckled. "Me? CRYING? Ha! I haven't cried in years!" 

"Yeah, right. You were crying two minutes ago. The tears were streaming down your face!" As he said this, Crutchy felt the tears stream down his face. "Y'know what, Ling? I just don't think we make a very good team." 

"No, I think the problem is you just don't work well with people!" Ling shouted. 

"Excuse me." 

"What do you want?" Ling demanded. 

"I didn't say anything!" exclaimed Crutchy defensively. 

"Then who did?" 

"I did." 

The two of them looked down at Ling's horse. "Did you just say something?" Ling asked it. 

"No, I did." 

The two of them looked at Crutchy's horse. "Did you just say something?" Crutchy asked it. 

"Boy, you guys are quick," the horse whinnied sarcastically. 

"We are?" Ling brightened. "Thanks!" 

The horse rolled its eyes. "Hello? Sarcasm? Jesus Christ, are you two ever stupid. Which reminds me. WOULD THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP???!!!!!" 

Gasping, Ling cried in shock, "Such language!" 

"Didn't I just tell you to shutup?" the horse demanded. 

Ling blushed furiously. "Oh yeah, you did." 

"Please, Spooky," Ling's horse sighed. It had a British accent, unlike Crutchy's horse, and it sounded female, also unlike Crutchy's horse. "Please excuse Spooky," she said cordially. "He's had a terribly unpleasant day." She leaned her head back and whispered conspiratorially, "The stable master neglected to give him his oats this morning." 

"Ohhh..." Ling and Crutchy nodded and shook their heads sympathetically. They knew EXACTLY what that was like. 

Spooky blushed furiously. "Aw, you didn't have to tell them that, Buttercup." 

She laughed. It was like the tinkle of a hundred tiny bells. 

Ling and Crutchy were in love. 

Suddenly, Crutchy heard the rattle of a rattler snake. "Whoa, Nellie!" he called. 

"It's Spooky!" the horse growled through gritted teeth. 

"Oh, sorry about that," Crutchy apologized, patting the horse's cheek. 

"Don't do that," Spooky growled again. 

Crutchy blushed furiously. "I'm terribly sorry." He ruffled Spooky's long, majestic mane. 

"STOP IT!" Spooky yelled. 

Crutchy blushed even more furiously than before, which caused Ling to blush furiously as well. 

"Anyways," Crutchy began, hiding his face, "I thought I heard a rattle." 

And indeed he did, because in the bushes yonder laid a rattler snake. The most dangerous, blood-thirsty, venomous snake on the prairie. 

Buttercup began to walk again. "Let's keep going, we wouldn't want to be late to wherever we're going." 

"But Buttercup!" Ling protested. "You could get hurt out there! The snake could get you!" He felt the tears stream down his face. He didn't want Buttercup to die. So from that moment on, he would do ANYTHING for Buttercup and ANYTHING to keep her safe. Anything. 

"Ling's right," Crutchy jumped in. He felt the tears stream down his face. He didn't want Buttercup to die. So from this moment on, he would do ANYTHING for Buttercup and ANYTHING to keep her safe. Anything. 

_Ling...Crutchy..._

"Did you say something?" Crutchy asked Spooky. 

"No," he grunted. 

_I did..._ It was a snakey voice. _My name is Issssta..._

"Issssta?" he repeated out loud. 

_No! Ista!_ it shouted. Ista was in his mind. She was communicating with him telepathically. 

Crutchy grabbed his head. "It's in my brain! Get it outta my brain! GET IT OUTTA MY BRAIN!" Tears streamed down his face in frustration. How was he going to get this...this THING out of his brain? Was it even possible? 

"Crutchy, it's alright," Buttercup soothed. "It will be gone soon." She paused. "As soon as we get out of these fields!" 

Crutchy felt the tears stream down his face. but this time the cause was happiness! "Ya think so? Do you really...REALLY think so?" 

"Didn't you hear her?!" Spooky snapped. "Yes, it will be gone when we get out of the fields!" 

Crutchy looked down at Spooky. "The let's ride!" 

The horses galloped off away from the psychotic fields. 

~

PART X: THE EXPERIMENT

"Excuse me, I think you'd better let me out of here!" Nuka yelled. 

The pale-skinned, black-haired man turned his vibrant lavender eyes on the lion. "I think you misunderstand. I just saved your life." 

"Yeah right! Then why do you keep taking samples of my blood?!" 

"Oh...I was hoping you wouldn't notice that." Weyoun poured some liquid into a flask and placed it on a shiny silver machine. "If you must know, you're going to be the first living creature to see a project of mine." 

"Yippee," Nuka said sarcastically. 

Shockingly, Weyoun didn't blush furiously. Nor did tears stream down his face. "When the time comes, you'll see. For now, I have to make sure you aren't carrying some kind of...disease." 

"Well, I happen to KNOW I'm not carrying any kind of disease!" 

"How could you possibly know that?" 

Nuka thought for a long time. "Well...I guess I don't." 

"My point exactly." 

"You think you're really smart, don't you?" 

Turning back to the various test tubes and vials on is lab table deal, Weyoun responded, "I KNOW I'm very smart." 

Seeing that Weyoun was really a lot smarter than him, Nuka shut his mouth and watched the Vorta (that's what Weyoun is--if you didn't know before, you do now) work, even though he had no clue as to what he was doing. That was okay, though. No, it really wasn't! Nuka was afraid. He was afraid of this strange alien. He was afraid of what this strange alien was going to do. But most of all, he was afraid of this strange alien's enigmatic experiment! "We're all gonna die out here," he whispered hoarsely to himself. He felt the tears stream down his face. God, if only his father hadn't beaten him! If only Father hadn't beaten Mother to death in front of him! Oh, wait, that had never happened. He was thinking of something he'd read. That was a relief. 

At that moment, Nuka noticed that Weyoun was staring at him with an interested gleam in his eyes. "Interesting," he murmured to himself. "Do you have multiple personalities?" 

"No!" Nuka exclaimed. 

"Well, then be quiet!" 

Nuka blushed furiously even as he felt the tears stream down his face. So many tears...so many faces for so many tears to stream down! 

"Keeping you quiet certainly is a tedious process, isn't it?" Weyoun sighed. 

"What?" Nuka wiped away the tears streaming down his face. 

"You're talking to yourself." 

"Oh!" Nuka blushed furiously. "I'm sorry!" 

Suddenly, Weyoun smiled widely. "You're disease free." 

"I'm disease free?" 

"You're disease free!" 

"Oh goody!" 

Clasping his hands together in barely contained glee, Weyoun informed him, "And now...the Bear Which Project." 

"Oh no!" Internal alarms went off in Nuka's head as the Vorta walked away. The alarms were in his brain! And he listened to them! He had to get out of there! Because BWP...it stood for something! He didn't know what, but it stood for something horrifying! Psychologically horrifying! 

After a minute, Weyoun reentered the room, towing a cage-like thing behind him. "Don't look so terrified," he advised. 

But Nuka couldn't help trembling. He WAS terrified! "You'll never take me alive!" he cried. 

The Vorta sighed. "You're not going to die. Don't worry." 

Abruptly, the lion stopped trembling. "Really?" 

"Really." 

"Oh." Nuka thought for a second. "So nothing's going to hurt me?" 

"Correct." 

"Oh. Okay." 

Weyoun pulled a shimmering cloak off the cage-like thing, revealing...a horrible, slobbering, disgusting monster! Actually...Nuka took a closer look. It was another lion. A lioness, actually. 

"What's that?" he questioned. 

"My creation," Weyoun answered proudly. 

Nuka got to his feet and cautiously approached the cage. "Is it really alive?" 

"She," Weyoun corrected. "And yes, SHE is alive." 

"She's real?" 

"Yes." 

"How'd you do it?" 

At that moment, the lioness spoke. "He employed the technology used to clone him to create me from...well, who knows what." She blinked her large, slanted, blue-green eyes. "He's a good guy. A good guy! You should give 'im a chance!" 

Entranced, Nuka drew closer to the cage. "So...what's your name?" 

She gazed into his glimmering red-gold eyes. "Haidera." 

"I'm Nuka." 

Lowering her eyes, she said, "That's a good name." 

"Yeah...yours is really pretty, too." 

She giggled, and he giggled as well. They reminded Weyoun of giggling school children. Not that he'd ever been to school or been a child. Well, actually...no, that got too confusing. Suffice to say they reminded him of what he thought giggling school children would giggle like. "Haidera," the Vorta said. She tore her eyes away from Nuka and looked at him dazedly. "Would you like to be let out?" 

"Yeah, that would be nice," she snapped, coming out of her reverie for a moment. 

He reached down and put a finger on a locking apparatus, which played a merry little tune, then unlocked. 

Haidera drifted out and she and Nuka headed--well, drifted, really--out the door of the lab. 

Weyoun turned back to his lab table and stared at the various liquids bubbling in the test tubes, vials, and flasks. "I have no idea what I just learned." 

~ 


	6. Parts 11 & 12

PART XI: THE HOUSE

"You're plan just won't do, Lou!" 

"I agree," Quackerjack agreed. 

Megavolt rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. It's your puppet." 

"Y'know what? I don't make fun of your friends, so I don't think you should make fun of mine." 

The rat/dog/weasel creature leaned against the wall of his cell and crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey," he said suddenly. "Where'd this come from?" 

"What?" Quackerjack questioned. 

Megavolt picked up a small video camera, just as all their cells opened. 

"What's going on?" Snipes asked fearfully. 

Quackerjack and Megavolt glanced at each other. "The house..." the duck began, "...the house is alive." 

"What?!" Snipes gasped. 

Tinkering with the camera, Megavolt said in a rather unconcerned tone, "We have to get out. Or we're all gonna die." 

Shaking his head disbelievingly, the newsie said, "That isn't possible!" 

Suddenly, there was a tremendous shaking, as if a giant earthquake was rocking the earth. 

"Lockdown," Quackerjack whispered hoarsely. "C'mon, let's get out of here." 

The three prisoners stepped out of their mysteriously unlocked cells and carefully made their ways across the basement--er, I mean--dungeon. 

"How can a house kill us?" Snipes breathed. "It's not alive." 

Megavolt sighed. "Yeah kid, it is. It's alive. This house has no morals...because it's a fucking house!" 

Shuddering, the newsie remarked doubtfully, "I still don't believe it." 

After a second, Megavolt peered at the camera's viewscreen and gasped, "Oh man, this is bad." 

"What? WHAT? _WHAT?!_" Snipes demanded. 

Gulping, the rat lowered the camera and stared ahead at...absolutely nothing. 

"What?" Quackerjack glanced at the wielder of the camera, a look of terror in his eyes. "Megs...?" 

Nobody could know what Megavolt was seeing. In front of him was an operating table, around which stood several doctors and surgeons...frightening men in white coats. A twitching...victim...was on the table. After several seconds, the doctors looked up--straight at Megavolt. He lowered the camera again. Their eerie, dead gazes were gone. Nothing was there. He raised the camera again, and there the specters were, unmoving. Unmoving, except for the fact that they were now holding scalpels and various other horrifying instruments of torture. 

Megavolt turned around slowly, now completely unaware of his companions. In the darkness of the dungeon door, a dark, sinister figure stood. He squinted, trying to identify the shadow. 

And at that moment, the figure rushed into the light, its face contorting hideously. 

Quackerjack and Snipes watched as a scream tore loose from Megavolt's throat and blood poured from his mouth before he was sucked into the floor, leaving a pool of red spreading out across the cold, black stones. 

"We ARE gonna die!" Snipes wailed, dropping to his knees. "I don't wanna die!" 

Something caught Quackerjack's eye, and he bent down to pick it up. A single lightbulb, dropped by Megavolt...all that remained of him. Quackerjack felt the tears stream down his face. He'd never had a friend like Sparky! Actually, he'd never had any friends, so...Megavolt had been special! His one true friend, insane enough to stand in the same room as the toymaker while he was inventing something! And now he was gone! Taken by the house! The damned house! 

"Damn you!" Quackerjack screamed, dropping to his knees as well and raising his clenched fists above his head. "Damn you all to hell!!!" Noticing Snipes next to him, he leapt to his feet, shouting, "And you! How can you only think about yourself at a time like this?! What about me?! How do you think I feel?! The house just KILLED Megavolt!" Turning away from the boy, he yelled, seemingly to nobody, "You killed Megavolt!! MY BEST FRIEND!!!" 

"What about me?" Mr. Banana Brain asked, tears streaming down his face. 

"You're my second best friend. Anyway, Megavolt just died." 

"I wouldn't be so sure," a new voice remarked. 

Upon seeing who it was, Quackerjack decided it wasn't so new. The man who had previously accused them of witchcraft was standing in another doorway. He was attired in a black dress thing, tights, a really ugly black hat, and large, round spectacles. 

"Who ARE you?!" the duck questioned. "I keep seeing you! You're always down here! And you're always asking me if I'm a witch! Oh...what do you mean?" 

"Well, to answer your first question...my name is Francisco. I'm...a scribe here. Under Mulan's direction." He paused for a moment. "You're right, the house IS alive. The ghosts of the victims of the atrocities committed here only add to the evil, and it festers, like a malignant scourge on this earth..." 

"The house is NOT alive," Snipes said, determined not to believe what everyone was saying. He wouldn't believe this nonsense! No one could make him! He felt the tears stream down his face. "I just wanna get out of here," he wept. 

Quackerjack kicked the boy over. "What did you mean about Sparky not being dead?" 

"Sometimes," Francisco explained, "the house--well, it's more of a seaside castle, really--takes someone just to torture him. I fear that's what has happened to your friend." 

"Oh great, so the psycho HOUSE put him on a rack or something?" Quackerjack sighed disgustedly. "Seriously, it has NO idea how selfish it's being." 

"It's a house," Francisco reminded him. 

"Whatever. And I meant to ask you, WHAT are you WEARING?" 

Francisco looked down at his outfit. "It wasn't my first choice, but Mulan insisted I wear it." 

"You guys seem pretty close," Quackerjack quipped nastily. 

"No we don't." 

"You're right," Quackerjack admitted. "It just seemed like the right thing to say." 

"No one's listening to me!" Snipes shrieked, tears streaming down his face in a raging torrent. 

"Shutup, kid, this is a conversation between two ADULTS," Quackerjack said loftily. 

"But no one's listening to me!" he cried. 

"Silence!" Francisco shouted. He slammed his large book on a table. 

"Y'know what? Maybe I don't want to be SILENT!" Snipes screamed. 

"Chill, Bill," Mr. Banana Brain advised. 

"If that...that STUPID PUPPET rhymes ONE more time, I might KILL it!" He felt the tears stream down his face in fury. 

"Don't you EVER threaten Mr. Banana Brain AGAIN!" Quackerjack shouted angrily. "And stop yelling at him!" 

"Make me," Snipes growled. "Why don't YOU stop yelling at ME? Huh?! Eh?! Hey? Huh?! Eyay?!" He started laughing insanely, rolling on the floor. 

"It's the house," Francisco stated. 

There was a rumbling noise and the house shook. Francisco turned to a group of televisions hanging from the ceiling. One of them showed a strange man moving in a strange manner. He looked straight at the camera. From behind his back, he whipped out a meat cleaver. His eyes sparkled with a crazed glee, and he threw back his head and laughed soundlessly. 

"Dear god!" Francisco exclaimed. "We've got to get out of this castle!" 

"Hey, I think I've seen that guy around," Quackerjack commented thoughtfully. 

"That's Dr. Vannecut," Francisco murmured. 

"Who?" He turned to the duck. "Dr. Vannecut," he repeated. Dramatic music played. "Mulan's father." 

~

PART XII: MANY MANIC MORPHING MUTANTS

"So let me get this straight," Darkwing began. "There's someone named 'Mulan the Mighty Huntress' and she's HUNTING you and your friends?" 

"Actually, she killed one of his friends," Vitani offered, pointing to Boots. "But some wacko brought him back to life." 

"And you two are looking for...who was it?" 

"My brother, Nuka, and two more of Boots's friends." Vitani paused. "Some alien kidnapped my brother." 

"You said that," Darkwing informed her. 

"I did?" 

"Yeah." 

Suddenly, a swirling portal opened in the desert. Sand was picked up and flung about wildly. Darkwing and Vitani threw up their arms to protect their eyes (Boots was still lying on the ground) and when they looked again, a young Asian woman with short black hair was standing there. 

Vitani gasped. "MULAN!!!" she shrieked, extending her claws and leaping for the woman. 

The woman quickly and agilely ducked out of the way. "Do I know you?" 

"Don't give me that! You know who I am!" Vitani shouted angrily. 

"No, I don't," she persisted. 

"Where are all of the innocent citizens that you imprisoned in your Castle of Darkness?!" Vitani's mouth hung open slightly. 

"Look, I don't know what you're talking about." Mulan began to walk away. 

"Yes, you do!" Vitani yelled. 

"Vitani, she doesn't know what you're talking about!" Darkwing insisted. 

"How would YOU know?!" the cub demanded. 

"Because I--" 

"No, wait, it's okay, we--" 

"--am the terror," Darkwing interrupted, "that flaps in the night!" 

"Stop it!" 

"I am the toaster--" 

"STOP IT!!" Vitani screeched. 

"--that refuses to pop your toast!" Darkwing paused. "I am Darkwing Duck!" 

"WE DON'T CARE!" Boots and Vitani chorused. 

"You don't?" 

"NO!" 

"Excuse me, what if I care?" Mulan spoke up. 

"We don't care if you care!" Boots and Vitani chorused again. 

"That's kind of rude," she mumbled. 

Boots and Vitani began bobbing their heads up and down, chorusing, "We are rude; we are rude; la la la la; we are rude!" 

Mulan looked to Darkwing, as he was the only sane--er, I mean--least insane of the three, but the crimefighter just shrugged. "The desert must be playing tricks on their minds," Mulan told him. 

_Bootsss..._

The boy's head snapped up and he looked around wildly. "Who said that?" he yelled. 

Everyone looked at him. "Who said what?" the chorused. 

_Bootsss...they can't hear me...only you can hear me..._

"It's in my brain!" Boots shouted. 

_That'ssss right..._

"Get it outta my brain!" Boots shouted. 

_I won't leave you...ever...I'll ssstay with you...forever..._

"Arghuhrga," Boots arghed, gnawing on his hand. 

Vitani felt the tears stream down her face. What had the crazy, perverse, twisted authors done to Boots? Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks glued together with peanut butter. She cared about Boots! She didn't like seeing him like this! 

So, the lioness padded over to Boots, took his face in her paws, and kissed him. Birds began to sing, and the desert became a garden in full bloom. 

"Whoa," Boots said. He looked at Vitani. "I thought you hated me?" 

The expression on her face was something akin to complete repulsion. "I DO! Oh my GOD, how could I have just KISSED you?! YUCK!" 

Darkwing just looked sick. "Gosalyn's about that age," he mumbled queasily 

"So..." Boots put an arm around Vitani's shoulders. "Now that we're GOING OUT--" 

She pushed him into a gushing river. 

"HELP!!" he screeched. 

Vitani looked at Darkwing, horrified at what she'd just done. "SAVE HIM!" 

Darkwing ran along the riverside, all the way shouting breathlessly, "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the drought that won't let your rivers refill! I am Darkwiiiing Duck!" 

The river didn't respond. 

"Don't just yell [gurgle]!" Boots screamed/gurgled. "Hel--[gurgle] me!" 

"I'm trying, I'm trying!" Darkwing shot his gas gun (only this time it shot a large suction cup attached to a rope instead of gas) at Boots, desperate to get a hold of the little newsboy. 

It missed and began its journey through the deep blue river. Actually, it was more of a brown color. 

"You can't shoot that thing for beans!" Vitani scoffed. 

"Oap! Newsie experience!" Darkwing shouted happily. 

Suddenly, something flashed by Darkwing and dove into the river. 

"What's going on?!" Vitani demanded. Who was that?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON???!!!!" 

"Hey!" Darkwing said harshly. "This whole mess is your fault! If you hadn't pushed him in then he wouldn't be...um...be...in there!" 

"Well if he hadn't touched me then I wouldn't've had to push him in!" 

"Well maybe if you hadn't KISSED him then he wouldn't've gotten it into his head that the two of you are a couple!" 

Vitani gave a shocked and hurt gasp. "Are you saying this is MY fault?!" 

Before Darkwing could respond, something shot out of the river and landed on the bank. It was Mulan, and she was holding a dripping wet, limp Boots in her arms. The little newsboy began to choke, and Mulan exclaimed, "Keep coughing; keep coughing! I can help you!" 

Boots very suddenly jumped back, completely fine. "No, that's okay, I don't need help. But...thank you." 

"For what?" Mulan asked curiously. 

Boots mumbled something, causing Mulan to grow puzzled, so he repeated while blushing furiously, "Thanks for saving my life." 

Vitani felt the tears stream down her face in happiness, but then she realized the author just wanted to make it an even thirty and stopped. "You idiot," she berated the newsie. "What kind of moron falls into a river?" 

"Um, I didn't FALL IN--" He stopped as he saw Darkwing standing behind Vitani, waving his arms wildly and mouthing, 'don't bother'. "--I mean, yeah, I guess I shouldn't be so clumsy." 

"Damn straight," Vitani grumbled. 

Suddenly, there was a rustling sound in the bushes. 

"What was that?" Vitani demanded. 

Boots felt the tears stream angrily down his face. "We're gonna die out here. I am SO scared." 

Darkwing walked over to the bushes, moving them aside. "Why, it's Bushroot, the most dangerous villain in the world!" 

"Ahh! Darkwing Duck!" the half-duck half-plant criminal yelped fearfully. 

The bushes began to move at that point, clobbering Darkwing. 

"Bushroot!" Darkwing yelled. "You pernicious plant!" 

"Oh, would you stop with those absurdly annoying alliterations?!" The plant-duck thought for a moment. "Ahh! I'm...I'm...ALLITERATING!" 

"Ha! Not for long! A nice trip to the penitentiary should quell that urge right away!" After a second, Darkwing began, "Wait a second--" 

"SHUTUP!" Vitani screeched. "PLEASE!" 

"Yeah! We need to keep the peace!" Boots exclaimed. 

Bushroot cringed. "I-is that a l-lion?" 

Vitani growled. "WHAT do I look like?" She waited for a reply, but when one didn't come, she informed him, "Yes. I am." 

Bushroot threw himself to the ground and covered his head with his arms. "Oh, I knew it was a bad idea to come here!" 

"Bad ideas are the Boss's specialty!" a voice boomed suddenly. 

At this, Bushroot peeked out from under his arms and jumped to his feet. "Hee hee, now you're all going to get it! Messing with such a fearsome villain as me!" 

"Can it, Bushbrain," Darkwing advised, turning around just in time to see the river funnel upwards into the sky. 

"Wow," Boots remarked. "How'd that happen?" 

Vitani shrugged. "Nutty authors." 

A watery figure was left standing where the river had been, and it...he? sloshed over to them, looking rather steamed. 

"Where'd YOU come from?" Vitani demanded. 

"Hey!" Boots yelled abruptly. "I am SO DAMN SICK of you always yelling! What is WITH you? Did your father die, leaving your mother scarred for life?! Did she militantly train you or something?! Did she make you answer 'affirmative' to yes or no questions?! Sheesh! Obviously not! And for god's sake, I said we need to keep the peace!!!" 

Vitani's lip trembled and her eyes shined with unshed tears. 

"What's wrong with your lip?" Boots asked nastily. 

"N-nothing," she replied shakily. "Let's get back to work." 

"Bushroot, what's Darkwimp doing here?" the watery entity spoke up. 

"I don't know!" Bushroot replied defensively. 

"Well, I wasn't accusing you of anything. Don't get all super-defensive again. We already went through that once today." 

"Ah!" Darkwing shouted triumphantly. "The Liquidator! The most dangerous villain in the world!" 

"But I thought HE was the most dangerous--" Boots began. 

"Never mind what you thought," Darkwing interrupted. "Can't you see I'm battling the two most dangerous supervillains known to...to...US?!" 

"Yeah...okay...you do that." Boots slowly backed away as Darkwing began foaming at the mouth. 

"Ooh...he looks steamed," the Liquidator snickered. 

"Don't even SAY that!" Bushroot exclaimed, shuddering. "It makes me think of...of...steamed vegetables!" 

Mulan kneeled on the ground, her eyes set on a pretty flower. "Would you look at that?" She sighed happily. "What a beautiful member of our world." She reached down and picked the flower. 

At the very moment the stem was torn, Bushroot clutched his heart. "NOOOO!!!" 

"It was JUST a lousy daisy! Geez!" Boots cupped a hand over his mouth. "Oh no! I'm reverting back to my natural newsie heritage! Help!!!" 

Bushroot made a choking sound and fell to the ground melodramatically, still clutching his heart. 

"A daisy to you or me, but a friend to this mutant criminal!" the Liquidator announced. 

At this, the aforementioned mutant criminal jumped to his feet and demanded, "Who're you calling a mutant?!" 

Deciding to forget his commercial mentality altogether for the rest of the day, the Liquidator asked, "How many mutants do you see?" 

Bushroot looked at Boots and Vitani, then answered doubtfully, "...four?" 

The watery villain sighed. "You and I, Reggie. Mutants if ever there were any." 

"Oh, yeah. That wasn't an insult, was it?" 

"No." 

"Oh." 

Boots sighed in happiness. "Ah, peace. The peace is kept." 

"What is WITH you and this peace thing?" Vitani questioned. 

"What IS with me?" 

"That's what I'm asking!" 

"WHAT are you asking?" 

"I'm asking what's with you!" 

"WHY are you asking what's with me?" 

"God! You freak!" 

"WHY am I a freak?" 

"Argh!" Vitani's fur puffed out in anger. 

Suddenly, Bushroot screamed and dove behind the Liquidator. "It's...it's...it's...Mulan!" he shrieked, pointing at the woman. 

"Yes, that's my name," she responded, her tone perplexed. 

"You...you...you PLANTKILLER!" he accused. 

"Reggie," the Liquidator spoke up mildly. 

"What?!" 

"Do you remember where Mulan was when we left the castle?" 

He thought for a moment. "Yeah, she was in--oh." He paused and blushed faintly. "She does get pretty...er...INVOLVED when she's there, doesn't she?" 

"I'd say so." 

"So you're saying that this ISN'T Mulan?" 

"I AM Mulan," she insisted. 

"She's probably from a different dimension. After all, that's not so unusual, is it?" 

"I guess not." 

Vitani narrowed her eyes and questioned suspiciously, "You know Mulan the Mighty Huntress?" 

Bushroot shuddered. "I wish I didn't. She's pure evil!" 

"Rotten to the core," the Liquidator agreed. 

Giving the two villains an appraising look, Darkwing remarked, "You work for her, don't you?" 

"Not by choice," Bushroot mumbled. 

Darkwing glanced over his shoulder. "And where are Megavolt and Quackerjack? Undoubtedly this is some scheme of yours! You planned to ambush me, didn't you?" 

Rolling his eyes, the Liquidator informed him, "We didn't even know you were out here. And Megavolt and Quackerjack disappeared over two weeks ago. They're both nuts--who knows what happened? Maybe they tried to get out and got caught instead. Or maybe they DID get out." 

"Can you take us to Mulan?" Vitani questioned eagerly, ignoring the strangely soft quality in the villain's tone. 

He looked sharply at her, then smiled rather unpleasantly. "Sure." 

Boots pumped his fist in the air. "Yeah!" 

"For a low, low price of one million dollars." 

"HUH?!" Boots and Vitani yelled. 

"Maybe we should just take them to her," Bushroot said timidly. 

"When I see the money." 

"But--" 

"Boots." Vitani held up a paw, silencing him. "Here." She gave the Liquidator a one million dollar bill. 

For a long moment, he stared at it, as if trying to gauge whether or not it was authentic. Then, finally, he nodded and announced, "Follow me." 

"And no funny stuff," Darkwing warned. 

"Oh, you won't need it from me. There's enough at the Castle of Darkness." 

~


	7. Parts 13 & 14

PART XIII: CASTLE OF DARKNESS

"Look! It's Mulan the Mighty Huntress's Castle of Darkness!" Crutchy smiled to himself. He had made it. He had done the impossible. HE HAD made it out of the psychotic fields! Wow, he thought. I'm a special guy. I am a very special guy. 

"Hey!" Spooky yelled. 

Crutchy smiled warmly at the creature he was atop of. "Oh, Spooky. I can't imagine what it'd be like without you." Tears of joy streamed silently down his cheeks, making a neat little puddle in Spooky's mane. 

"Kid, I can't either," the horse replied. "But we're coming up to the castle gates, so be quiet!" 

"Y'know what?" Ling giggled. "That looks like Boots and Vitani." 

"What? Who?" Crutchy asked frantically. 

"Over there!" Ling pointed to two figures, then gasped. 

"Oh, no! It IS Boots and Vitani!" they chorused. 

Crutchy kicked Spooky. "Faster! We need to catch them before they get to the gate!" 

Buttercup and Spooky began running, and the female equine wheezed, "It's a trap!" 

"Stop!" Ling yelled. "It's a trap! A TRAP!" 

"Can you yell more quietly?!" Spooky demanded. 

Buttercup laughed. "Oh, Spooky, don't be so hard on him. He's just a child." 

"No I'm not!" Ling yelled just as loudly. 

Spooky flattened his ears and his fur puffed out in anger, but by that time they had reached Vitani and Boots. There were many people there they'd never before in their lives seen. A joyful reunion took place and a round of introductions followed. 

"So...uh...what's the trap?" Boots asked. 

"There isn't one," Buttercup informed him. She whipped out an Uzi. "I just wanted all the glory for myself!" 

Bullets sprayed all over everyone, but the Liquidator quickly spread his watery self to intercept the flying projectiles. 

"Hey!" one of the bullets complained. It sounded disturbingly similar to the Taco Bell chihuahua of legend. "Get out of our way, man!" 

"Sorry, no can do," the Liquidator replied. "Not while there's still money to be had!" 

"Psh," the bullet snorted. "You're not getting any money out of them!" It tried to swim away, but then it realized it had to arms or legs (being a bullet). "Alright, alright, fine, I won't try to embed myself in anyone. It's messy business, anyway. Just let me out, I'm starting to rust!" 

The Liquidator drew back, and the bullets clattered to the ground. 

Darkwing sent a flying kick at Buttercup, and though she fought desperately, the Dark Duck was more than a match for her. Spooky wrested the gun away from her. 

I bet you've forgotten all about Ling. Haven't you? HAVEN'T YOU?! Well, I haven't. 

Poor Ling was lying on the ground. He had been thrown from Buttercup's back when she stood up and pulled out her gun. 

"Oh!" Mulan exclaimed, hurrying over to the frail, injured man. She cradled his bleeding head in her lap and pulled a sharp rock from his skull. "Are you okay? Are you okay?" she asked gently. When no answer came, she looked up and pointed at Bushroot. "Help, YOU go call 911!" 

Bushroot paled and beads of sweat stood out on his forehead. "B-b-but...um...what...wh-what was that number?" 

"Eh?" Boots demanded, holding a ear horn (y'know, one of those things that you hold up to your ear...it looks like a horn...) up to his ear. "Heh?" 

Suddenly, the dark spooky moor where Mulan (TMH)'s Castle of Darkness was grew even darker and a spotlight appeared. The whole gang looked up, bewildered, as a really fakey announcer's voice came on. "Welcome to Mulan's Castle of Darkness!" 

At this, Darkwing looked at the Liquidator, who shrugged and said, "It's not me." 

"We've got some very special guests today!" the voice continued. A dramatic fanfare sounded and two girls, both about average height with short red hair and green eyes, stepped into the circle of light. 

"I'm Pixie!" one of the girls announced (dramatically). 

"And I'm Dixie!" the other announced (just as dramatically). 

"Hell's bells, I'm seein' double!" Crutchy exclaimed. 

"PEO-PLE!" Vitani yelled, totally ignoring the two girls. "We've got something to accomplish here! No time for chatter! Let's move move MOVE!" 

"Hey!" one of the girls yelled. Everyone thought it was Dixie, but they weren't entirely sure. 

The fact that no one was entirely sure really got to Boots, so he suggested, "Why don't you guys--er--girls put your names on your shirts, or something? So then we can all tell which one of you is which." 

The girls looked at each other, then said simultaneously, "We DO look a lot alike, don't we?" 

Spooky, Ling, Crutchy, the Liquidator, Bushroot, Mulan, Boots, Vitani, and Darkwing nodded. 

"So...the names?" Boots pressed. 

They both took out markers and wrote their names in big block letters on their shirts. 

"Thank you," everyone sighed. 

"You're welcome!" Dixie put her hands on her hips. "Now, to get into that castle." 

"Wait, you two aren't coming with us!" Darkwing exclaimed. 

"We're bored!" Pixie whined. 

"We're coming with you," Dixie added decisively (and more maturely than her sister). 

"Just let 'em come," Crutchy said. 

Darkwing sighed. "Oh, fine. But you can deal with the lawsuit by their parents if they get hurt!" 

For several hours, they discussed how to get into the castle, how to avoid the guards, how to free Snipes, and just sort of general break-out tactics. 

Soon it was darker. Well, it was always dark, but now, since it was night, it was even darker than before. 

"Here we go," Pixie stated, tipping her army helmet. No one bothered asking where she'd gotten it. "Troops, this is going to be a long and dangerous mission." She paced back and forth in front of the castle gates. "Now, you all know the plan. Let's go." 

The whole group crept into the castle, slowly and stealthily making their ways to what they thought was the dungeon. 

Then Spooky kicked a pebble. 

Alarms sounded and red, blinking lights came on, which pretty much just screamed out their presence to everyone in a twelve-mile radius. 

"Look!" Boots shouted, pointing to an orange exit sign. "If we go in there she won't catch us!" He ran towards the door, opening it. 

"NOOOOO!" screamed Dixie. "IT'S A TRAP!" 

But Boots had already passed through the door. 

Seconds later, the sound of a chainsaw was audible, and evil laughter closely followed, 

Bushroot's eyes widened. "That s-sounds like--" 

Suddenly, the door exploded outwards, and a figure emerged from the smoke. "Why, hello, you two. It's about time you showed up again." 

At the sound of this voice, Bushroot and the Liquidator exchanged terrified glances. 

And the figure's evil laughter filled the air. 

~

PART IXV: THE MACHINE 

"Hello? Anyone there?" Megavolt called. No answer. He tried to swivel his head around, but to no avail. Hanging upside down was most definitely NOT fun. 

He reached up and touched his throat gingerly. After all, blood HAD come out of his mouth, and that most certainly wasn't normal. Stupid house. If he ever got his hands on it, he'd fry it! Oh, wait. It was a house. 

"Where's Quackerjack?" he asked nobody in particular. "And Mr. Banana Brain? and that obnoxious, whiny little kid?" With a sigh, he answered himself, "They probably forgot about me. Down here in the basement of his cold, cruel, house, whiling away the hours staring at that chainsaw over there in the corner..." A thought hit him. "Chainsaw? Uh oh." He squirmed to break free from his bonds, but nothing happened. Evidently the House knew how to tie a knot. And it had even taken the time to hook him up to an energy draining device. 

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to be back in St. Canard," he moaned. Back in St. Canard, he...STILL had to deal with strange happenings, but at least THERE it was out of the ordinary! But here...where WAS here, anyway? Did it even really exist? Maybe he was imagining it all. Maybe it wasn't real. Maybe...maybe he was just asleep! 

He pinched himself and yelped in pain. No, he wasn't asleep. That should have been obvious. It was such a simple solution. Too simple. To pass the time, he began whistling a song that he could never remember the words to. 'Daring duck of mystery' or something weird like that. 

Suddenly, a door slammed, and Megavolt twisted around to see what was going on. 

His visitor evoked a typical reaction--the rat began to tremble and attempted to make himself as small as possible. Of course, as he was hanging upside-down from the ceiling, this became, rather quickly, a failed attempt. 

"What are you looking at, you knob?!" 

Megavolt gulped. "N-nothing, Boss. Um...I just...uh...didn't expect to see you down here, that's all." 

"How quaint." Dressed in a yellow, red, and black double-breasted jacket, blood red fedora, and black mask, the notorious, fearsome Negaduck stalked into the room, dragging two whimpering figures behind him. "Remember these two, Sparky?" he asked patronizingly. 

"Um...yeah..." 

"Well, that's good, because they'll be joining you!" 

"But N-n-n-negaduck," Bushroot pleaded from the floor, "we were just doing your dirty work!" 

"Oh, sure, you were doing EXACTLY what I told you to! Bringing Darkwimp and all his little friends here to break THEIR little friends out! Since when is doing work for me the same as playing traitor?!" 

"B-b-but, Boss--" Bushroot stopped when he heard a voice. 

"Oh, Negs!" 

"AH!" Bushroot screamed. "IT'S MULAN!" 

"Shutup, you knob!" Negaduck straightened his jacket, chuckling as he eyed all of the torture equipment. "I'll be back. And you'd better all be where you were when I left!" He smiled strangely. "My lady awaits." 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." Megavolt paused, shaking his head to clear it (not that his head was EVER clear). "Did he just say, 'my lady awaits'? In reference to MULAN?" 

Bushroot nodded. "Where've you been?" 

"Hanging from the ceiling!" 

"He doesn't remember," the Liquidator remarked. 

Megavolt pulled a lightbulb from a pocket of his jumpsuit and began gently stroking it. 

"Do you want me to get you down?" Bushroot questioned. 

There was no answer. 

"Megavolt!" 

"Oh! I thought you were talking to the lightbulb," he admitted. "But yeah, I'm about ready to come down now...I've only been up here for about THREE HOURS!" 

The plant-duck stretched out a leafy tendril and untied the knots holding Megavolt bound upside-down, and the rat promptly fell flat on his face. 

"Ow..." he moaned in pain. "Help me..." 

"He just did," the Liquidator said snidely. 

Neither, of course, made any attempt to peel the rat off the floor. 

"What are you knobs doing?!" 

"Ah!" they screamed. 

Negaduck reentered the room, this time with Mulan the Mighty Huntress at his side. "Did I give you permission to move?" he demanded. 

Mulan smiled evilly. 

"Don't hurt us," Bushroot whimpered. 

"Oh, but my dear Veggie, that was EXACTLY my intent," Mulan replied, her tone masking her true sadistic nature. "Negs, darling," she said, turning to him, "put them in the The Machine." 

"The Machine?" Negaduck's eyes widened in delight. "I love a woman with an affinity for inflicting pain upon her minions!" 

The two of them them shared a moment of evil chuckling, causing Bushroot, Megavolt, and the Liquidator to cringe. The Machine. The very words struck fear and terror into their hears. And with excellent reason. Oh, not because they'd seen...The Machine...but just because it sounded pretty terrifying. Hell, if Mulan and Negaduck had made it, it HAD to be terrifying. 

After a couple more seconds of evil chuckling, the duck and the huntress shared a kiss filled with evil passion. And, then, quite evilly, she left the chamber. 

"Alright, you three," Negaduck began, a devilish grin gracing his face, "it's time for you to experience some REAL pain." 

"C'mon, Boss," Megavolt attempted meekly. "Think of all the great times we've had together! Um...the robberies! And...the failed attempts at world domination..." 

"Shutup!" he snarled. Megavolt wilted and the duck went on, "Now, if you'll come with me..." 

"Any way I can sell my ticket?" the Liquidator murmured. 

"I'm not giving you a choice, moron!" 

Negaduck dragged them all from the room. "Gentlemen, you are about to become the first in a long line of losers to see The Machine. It's the ULTIMATE world-conquest-demolition-device. And it's powered by living tissue." 

Megavolt cringed. "Living...tissue?" 

The duck nodded, the continued, "When fully powered, it will rise to the top of this Castle of Darkness from inside and shoot an anti-gravitational electron flux laser beam into the sky directly at the sun." He took a breath. "The beam will then form a mirror between our LOVELY planet and the sun." Negaduck looked at Bushroot. "And then...darkness." 

Bushroot cringed. "But what about the plants?" 

"They'll all die, I guess," Negaduck shrugged. "Then, The Machine will drill into the earth and release millions of robots. And THEN--this is the best part--the robots will drill upwards through the surface in all the major cities of the world, including St. Canard!" 

The three villains gasped. 

"That way my queen, Mulan, and I can board our spaceship and fly to the moon to wait out the destruction." 

Megavolt glanced at the Liquidator and made the universally known sign for 'psycho'. Then, turning back to Negaduck, he questioned, "No offense, but what are you gonna do up there?" 

"I'm glad you asked. We will be using the Super Meltdown Device to melt the arctic and turn it into a giant slave pen. Then we'll come back and round up all the citizens that we've subdued and put them to work. We'll be the rulers of the world!" 

Abruptly, Mulan floated into the room. 

"Negs!" she called excitedly. "When are you going to get rid of them?" 

"I will when I'm ready," he snapped. 

"Oh." She cackled softly. 

"Why don't you...check on the prisoners?" Negaduck suggested. 

She hurried off. 

The Liquidator, Megavolt, and Bushroot heard her shouting, "Hey! You better not be hiding any more licorice!" 

Negaduck turned to Bushroot and the Liquidator. "Your little friends won't get far." 

"What friends?" Megavolt questioned. "The weed has friends?" 

"They were trying to infiltrate the place. They escaped. But we'll catch them. Soon. They. Will. Be. Captured." 

"Th-then what prisoners are you talking about?" 

"Some other prisoners, knob! It doesn't concern you!" Negaduck opened a door. "Behold, the machine." 

~


	8. Parts 15 & 16

PART XV: THE PRIESTS 

"Hey! Are those prisoners being properly imprisoned?" Mulan demanded. 

"Yes, of course, Mistress." A short, fat man elbowed a taller, thin man who wasn't facing the Mighty Huntress. 

This other man turned around quickly. "Ah, the prisoners, yes." 

Mulan sharply scrutinized the two of them. "Where's the scribe?" 

The two men glanced at each other and the shorter one replied, "He's...um...gone." 

"Gone?" she questioned dangerously. "What about the DUCK?!" 

"Y'know, I was on my lunch break...I just got back...Huy can tell you all about it." 

He pushed the tall man, Huy, forward. Smiling nervously, Huy informed her, "Your father, Mistress. He...opened the cell doors." 

"My father? Why would he do a thing like that?" 

"Boredom?" the short man mumbled. 

"Quiet, Hotep!" Huy hissed. 

"Did I tell you you could speak?!" she demanded shrilly. 

Huy hastily bowed. "No, Mistress." 

"Forgive us," Hotep added. 

She stalked up to Huy. "You took the licorice." 

"No, I...I didn't." He thought quickly. "It was the scribe. I saw him put it in his pocket." 

"I can see right through your lie," she growled. Suddenly, her entire demeanor changed and she twirled Huy's beard around her finger. "It's a good thing you're so cute," she said seductively. "Or I'd have to punish you. Maybe I will anyway..." She stroked his chest suggestively. 

Hotep looked infuriated (almost as if he was being...CHEATED on), and Huy just looked incredibly uncomfortable. 

She suddenly clasped her hands violently around Huy's neck and began to shake him. "So where are they?!" 

Hotep tried to pull Mulan away. "Your Excellency, Huy and I VOLUNTEER to find the prisoners for you." 

"How do I know you won't run away? Hmmm?" 

"We won't!" Huy rubbed his sore neck. 

"Good." Her voice deepened as she shouted, "NOW GET TO WORK!!" 

Huy and Hotep hurried out of the room. 

"Nice going, Hotep," Huy muttered. "Now we actually have to do WORK." 

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, maybe I should've just let her strangle you," the other priest said sarcastically. 

"Okay, so you've got a point there." 

The two of them stopped in front of a vending machine (as they were rather hungry) and dug around in their robes for some change. 

As they searched for their money, a dark figure crouched behind the vending machine. 

"Many nights I've prayed," sang the woman, "with no proof anyone could hear; in my heart, a hopeful I song I barely understood; now I am not afraid; now I am not afraid; although I know there's much to fear; I was moving mountains long before I knew I could... There can be--" 

"There she is!" Huy shouted. 

The woman started and began to flee, and the thinner priest raced after her. Hotep waddled behind him. 

"Mulan may have eaten my people, but she will not eat me! And YOU will not aid her!" the woman yelled. 

Her running was in vain, though. Soon, Hotep and Huy cornered her. 

"Ah, Miriam, daughter of Yocheved," a wheezing Hotep cooed. "And where's your brother, Aaron?" 

Miriam turned away, tears silently streaming down her face. Then, she turned back to them, her hair blowing across her face as she sang, "Hush now, my baby--" 

"Oh, shutup!" Huy interrupted. 

"You can't silence me!" she cried vehemently. She felt the tears stream down her face again. "You'll never silence any of us!" 

"There aren't any of you left," Hotep laughed cruelly. 

Miriam stood up straight and her eyes hardened. "Don't you have any honor? Any PRIDE? Mulan is less than the fungus growing your rooms! She doesn't care about you at all! She'd betray you in a second!" 

Hotep and Huy glanced at each other. A seed of doubt had been planted. 

"I would hold my tongue if I were you," Huy warned. 

She glared at them. "I JUST SAID you'll never silence me! Is that so hard to understand?" 

Hotep grabbed her arm roughly and towed her out of the corner of her cornering. "Now you'll pay." 

Miriam struggled, but it was to no avail. The priests had successfully captured her, and she knew now that she would die. She did not want to die, but truly, she knew it to be her fate. All she could do now was hope and pray that her brother, Aaron, would escape. 

"In this time of fear;" she sang, "when prayers so often proved in vain; hope seemed like the summer birds too swiftly flown away--" 

"Be quiet!" Hotep and Huy chorused. 

She shut her mouth tightly and clenched her fists at her sides, digging her heels into the ground so it would be as difficult as she could possibly make it for the priests to drag her back to the dungeon. 

"You--are being--DIFFICULT," Hotep grunted through gritted teeth. 

"Too bad. It's DIFFICULT for me to stomach what you're doing! LET ME GO!" 

"No!" 

Unfortunately, the priests were too strong for her, and they dragged her away despite her struggles. 

"Again, where's your brother Aaron?" Hotep asked nastily. 

"I'll die before I tell you anything!" she cried. 

"Then, so be it!" declared Huy. 

"Wait! We don't actually want to KILL her," Hotep said. 

"Oh, right. Forgot." 

This brief moment of negligence was enough for Miriam to escape, and she ran like the wind away from her captors. Oddly enough, after she'd run for about five minutes, she came to the Red Sea. It had been parted, and she continued running until she came to the exact middle of the seafloor. 

Miriam was exhausted. She needed water, and lots of it. So, she thrust her entire arm into the edge of the sea, closing her eyes and hoping nothing catastrophic would happen. When she pulled her hand out, she found that the water did not come crashing down, and it also had a fresh, lemony scent. And when she drank it, she noted its delicious, salty taste. 

"Delicious," she sighed happily. 

When she had had her fill of the life-threatening water, Miriam called out, "Aaron! Aaron, where are you?" 

After calling his name sixty-seven times, she had decided she was hungry. By now she had made a friend. It was a little crab. 

"You know, crab," she began, "I used to tell stories to my little brother when we were younger. He quite enjoyed it." 

The crab, NOT wanting to hear her sappy stories of love, war, and hatred, skittered off. 

"I still do love to hear them, Miriam," came a voice. 

"Aaron?" She looked up, tears shining in her eyes. She looked frantically around the dark sea corridor. "Aaron, is that you?" 

Lightening flashed. Thunder boomed. 

She stood up in the roaring wind, holding her arms up to shield her eyes from the salty sea spray. "Who are you?" she called, peeking out from behind her arms as smoke rose from the ground. 

"I," it said, "am your worst nightmare." 

She held her breath, trying not to cry out as the smoke cleared away. 

For there, in the middle of the swirling, whirling, madly twirling smoke, stood Hotep and Huy. Quite suddenly, the walls of water vanished, and she was standing, once again, in the Castle of Darkness. 

"What?!" she gasped, falling to the floor. 

The priests grinned sinister smiles and approached her, pulling her back to her feet. "Haven't you learned by now you can't escape us?" Huy hissed in a similarly sinister tone of voice. 

Miriam started to struggle, and Hotep struck her sharply. "Stand still!" he ordered. 

Suddenly, someone said, "I am the terror...that flaps in the night! I...am the--" 

"Darkwing, shutup!" a voice screeched. 

A puff of smoke appeared and abruptly cleared, leaving a fairly large huddle of people standing there. Since the two of you reading are so smart (and really bored), I bet you've already figured out that it was Ling, Spooky, Crutchy, the good Mulan, Pixie, Dixie, Vitani, Boots, and, of course, Darkwing. 

The priests looked at each other. "Huy..." Hotep began. 

"Hm? Oh, I'm on it." 

The thin man reached into his sleeves and clutched his hands around something. While our huddle of heroes was busy trying to make Darkwing be quiet, he crept from their direct lines of sight. 

"Hey, what's that guy doing over there?!" Pixie and Dixie exclaimed simultaneously. 

They all turned, but it was too late. Huy had already thrown down what he'd been holding--a fine powder that exploded into a huge, breath-choking cloud of smoke. Ling, Vitani, Boots, Crutchy, the good Mulan, Spooky, Pixie, and Dixie began coughing and tried to run, but they soon found that a large enclosure had sprung up between them and freedom. 

Miriam gasped. She wept. She felt the tears stream down her face. And then she whispered sorrowfully, "No." For she knew that the aforementioned group had done nothing wrong. Yet now they were being imprisoned by Mulan! It wasn't fair! "May God have mercy on your souls," she said through gritted teeth to the priests. 

"Sweetie," Huy remarked none too sweetly, "we're Egyptian, if you haven't noticed. We don't like or believe in your monotheistic society. We have over two thousand gods and goddesses, you know!" 

"And they've all got names," Hotep added snidely. 

"Yes, but--" 

Huy put his fingers in his ears. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to discuss it!" 

"Just be quiet and come along," Hotep said. 

Miriam looked back and forth between the priests. There was no escape. Not now. And not ever. 

~

PART XVI: COMPLETE AND TOTAL CAPTURE

"Okay," Quackerjack whispered loudly, "This is it. We shall now burst into the dungeon and rescue out captured comrade." 

Francisco and Mr. Banana Brain rolled their eyes, and Snipes just hopped up and down. 

"On the count of three," the duck said, putting his hand on the doorknob. "One...two..." 

"THREE!" Snipes screamed at the top of his lungs, throwing himself against the door. It apparently wasn't of very good make, because it cracked down the center and toppled over in a cloud of dust. 

"Subtle," Francisco said dryly. "VERY subtle." 

"Hee hee hee," Snipes giggled maniacally. 

"Shutup," Mr. Banana Brain commanded-- 

--right before his head got shot off. 

Quackerjack stared in shock at the puppet's lifeless carcass that was now lying still in his hands. "No," he whispered, tears streaming down his face. 

Francisco opened his mouth to comfort the grieving jester in this moment of pain and mental anguish, but an evil, sinister voice began instead in an incredibly sarcastic tone, "Oh, I'm SO SORRY, Quackerjack, I didn't mean to 'HURT' your stupid little puppet." 

The dust cleared. Finally. Much to the trio's shock and horror, Negaduck was standing there. Two large guns were in his hands, and they were pointed at Francisco, Quackerjack, and Snipes. 

"I think," Francisco murmured, "That the most appropriate plan of action would be to turn around...and run." 

The three of them whirled around, but before they could run, an extra set of doors slammed shut--courtesy of those evil, uppity priests, Hotep and Huy. 

Evil, booming laughter filled the chamber. Surprisingly, it was NOT Negaduck. A strong, whipping wind started up, blowing Negaduck's semi-automatic firearms into a hole in the opposite wall. 

"What's going on?" the duck growled. 

When he looked at the priests, they only gave each other nervous looks and shrugged helplessly. 

"It's Vannecut," Francisco informed everyone idly. 

"WHAT?!" Negaduck shouted lividly. "What the hell does he think he's DOING?! Whose side is he on?!" 

"Mulan's. You just fell for a double-cross." 

Quackerjack's eyes widened in glee at this. "Ooh, Negaduck, a double-cross..." 

"SHUTUP!!!!" 

There was a sudden crackle and then Mulan's voice, albeit with a slight tinny quality, said, "You fool, Negaduck. Did you actually think I WOULDN'T betray you?" 

His eyes darted around until they fell on an intercom apparatus. "If you want to use the Machine, think again, Mulan. You don't know the first thing about operating it." 

"Ha! So you think, duck!" she shouted menacingly. "For when I throw...THE SWITCH, the world will be MINE!!" Mulan laughed hysterically and rather evilly (which was getting tiring--after all, Francisco, Quackerjack, and Mr. Banana Brain had spent their fair share of time around evil maniacs). 

Then the intercom was silent again. 

"Hey, boss, what's she gonna do about the Machine?" Quackerjack asked. 

"The Switch isn't in here, you knob," Negaduck said. 

"Where is it, then?" Huy questioned timidly. 

"In a secret room," Negaduck replied in a frustrated tone. "Even I don't know where it is." 

"Well, that's not much help," Quackerjack complained. 

"Shutup, knob, I'm thinking." Negaduck thought for about five seconds, then said, "Wait, why am I thinking about this? That's YOUR jobs!" He pointed at the priests and Francisco. 

The priests gave each other another nervous look. "Ah!" Hotep cried. 

Taking his cue, Huy added, "Rest assured...um...sir." 

"Hey Fran," Quackerjack whispered, elbowing the scribe, "maybe you should help them out." 

"Why? We're trapped in here," he muttered. 

Suddenly, the lights flickered and died. Thunder crashed outside, and the floor began to vibrate. 

"What's going on?" Negaduck growled. 

"Stop saying that!" Snipes yelled. He wasn't being particularly courageous, it's just that he'd lost his mind somewhere along the lines. "La la la!" He giggled. "He-llo. La-la!" 

Hotep and Huy glanced at each other. "I think he's right," Huy said hesitantly. 

"Who, the kid?" Quackerjack inquired. "If you ask me, he's a little nutty." 

"Look who's talking," Negaduck said sarcastically. 

"No, he meant Francisco," Hotep informed the duck. The vibration of the floor grew more violent and abruptly, the mechanical grinding and screeching of gears was audible from overhead. 

Negaduck, Quackerjack, Hotep, Huy, and Francisco craned their necks upwards and watched as the roof separated into two hatches and opened, allowing the rain to pour into the chamber. 

"We're doomed!" Quackerjack lamented. "Doomed to...um...uh...die, I guess. Do you guys know if it'll be painful? Because I never did have a very high tolerance for pain. I don't want this to be a bad experience..." 

"You moron! You're gonna be dead!" Negaduck raged. "It's GOING to be a bad experience, because you're going to DIE! But you aren't going to remember it--" 

"Because I'll be dead?" Quackerjack guessed. 

"Knob," the duck muttered. 

A wailing began to fill the chamber then, and the quintuplet covered their ears against the high pitched whine. 

"She's powered the Machine!" Francisco shouted. 

No one really heard him, but they'd pretty much figured out what was going on when the gargantuan mechanical monster began rising towards the now open roof. 

"This is the end," Huy murmured, just as a blinding light filled the room. 

~


	9. Parts 17 & 18

PART XVII: THE FINAL BATTLE 

"Father, look! Soon the world will be ours!" Mulan the Mighty Huntress turned to Dr. Vannecut, a huge smile on her face. 

The evil doctor's grin matched hers. "Yes--at long last." His eyes and smile softened. "I'm so proud of you. You've achieved so much. I always knew you'd be something." 

"Thank you, Father," she murmured happily. 

"Mulan!" a commanding voice shouted. 

Her eyes widened. "No..." 

There was a flash of light and a familiar figure appeared. 

"Dr. Mordrid," Vannecut said through gritted teeth. 

"That's right," the sorcerer replied evenly. He raised his arms and a streak of magic streamed towards Vannecut. The evil doctor let out an ear-piercing shriek and abruptly vanished. 

"What did you...why...how..." Mulan babbled in shock. 

"I only sent him where he belongs," Mordrid interrupted her. "Somewhere where he won't cause any more problems." 

"How dare you?" she hissed furiously. 

Dr. Mordrid's eyes hardened. "Abandon this suicide mission of yours! You know you'll never succeed!" 

"Ha ha!" she cackled. "I already have! You'll never stop me! You can't stop my creation! Behold!" Mulan whirled to face the large bay windows in her super-secret control room. "MY Machine!" 

Lightening flashed around the enormous metal monstrosity as it slowly moved higher and higher into the sky. 

"You see now, Doctor? This is the end! You've failed! Your precious little world and all of its puny inhabitants will bow to ME!" 

"Not quite," Mordrid shot back. 

To his finger sprang a spark of magic, which he set adrift into the air. It floated, wisp-like, towards the control panel, and began to expand into a shimmering bubble. Mulan realized what it was too late and leapt at it with a shriek. 

At that moment, the bubble popped. 

"That's right, Mulan," Mordrid said softly. "The girl you long ago imprisoned. The girl you CHANGED. Your sister." 

A form began to move under the sticky, gelatinous bubble skin and, after a moment, raised its head. 

Mulan's mouth formed a silent 'O' and she backed away until she came against the wall. There she stood, shaking her head and mouthing 'no, no, no' in disbelief and shock. 

After watching her for several seconds, Mordrid strode to the control panel and pushed a large, red button labeled 'abort' in big, white, capital letters. Then, almost tenderly, he approached the recently-freed figure and knelt down in front of her. "Whatever she did to you...it's over." 

"Obviously," the figure returned in a tone that replied that this was...well, obvious. She (because it IS a she--then again, you probably realized that) swiveled her cat-like ears to face him and raised her blue, catty eyes to his face. "Hey, Anton, how's it goin'? Remember that little fling we had my sophomore year in college?" 

The sorcerer cleared his throat and blushed furiously. "Yes...well, um...that's...that's in the past now...so...we should just...forget about it." 

"Yeah, you're right. I DO like older men, but I think I was pushing it a bit there. So what's going on here, anyway? Y'know, I've kinda been living in my own little bubble for the past couple years." 

She grinned and he rolled his eyes at her rather lame joke. Then, startling them both, a radio crackled, "Uh...Houston? We have a problem?" 

The cat (again, that's what she is, but you probably realized that, too) got to her feet and shrugged off the fact that the only thing covering her feminine assets was sticky, slimy bubble skin. "Hey, Anton, how'd you know where I was?" 

"Your father. He unwittingly showed me how to free you." 

"Ah." She located a little radio and pressed a button. "This is Houston. We read you. What seems to be the problem out there, ol' chap? Over." 

There was a pause. "Who're you?" When there was no answer, he said, "Hey! You there?" 

"Oh, sorry. You have to say 'over'. Otherwise, how do I know you're done speaking? Over." 

"Um...okay...you're kind of weird." 

"Thank you." 

"Sure. Hey, think you can get us down? We're stuck up in this giant flesh-eating machine thing..." 

"Alright, if I could just get your name...?" 

"Megavolt." 

"And how many people are with you, Megavolt?" 

"This sounds like a 911 call." 

"Just answer the question." 

"Um...I don't know...thirteen." 

The cat nodded. "Okay, roger that. I'll send a convoy over on the double. Over an' out." She looked down at herself and discovered several garments of clothing on her. "Where'd these come from? And really, black spandex?" 

Mordrid mumbled something and waved his hand. 

~

PART XVIII: THE PARTY

Megavolt, Bushroot, the Liquidator, Ling, Crutchy, Boots, Vitani, Darkwing Duck, Spooky, Pixie, Dixie, Miriam, and the good Mulan appeared. Then Mordrid waved his hand again, and Negaduck, Quackerjack, Francisco, Hotep, Huy, and-- 

"SNIPES!!" Crutchy and Boots chorused. They ran (or in Crutchy's case, levitated) to hug their friend. 

The cat leaned against the console, feeling quite out of place, until she looked over. "You must be Megavolt," she guessed, studying his outfit. 

"Yeah." He scrutinized her. "You're that girl I talked to." 

"Yep." She stuck her hand out and shook a piece of bubble skin off it. "Name's Cinder." 

"So you still haven't found your brother?" Darkwing asked Vitani. 

The lioness cub sighed. "I'm beginning to think I never will." 

"I feel like I've known you all my life," Mulan (the good one) confided a little shyly to Ling. 

"Me too," he sighed dreamily. 

"I never thanked you for opening my cell," Miriam told Francisco a bit hesitantly. 

He gazed into her kind brown eyes. "Oh, it...it wasn't a problem. Anyone would've done it." 

"I should have said something sooner about...when you pushed me into the river--" 

"I'm REALLY sorry about that," Vitani interrupted Boots. 

"I loved it," he finished. 

"WEE FWEE!" Flit and Meeko shouted, entering the room. 

"Y'know, boss, I really got the feeling you loved me back there," Quackerjack said, grinning inanely. 

"Oh, shutup," Negaduck snapped. "But I...uh...I DID have something to say. Quackerjack, I'm sorry I blew off your stupid puppet's head." 

"What was that?" Quackerjack held a hand up to his ear. 

"Don't push it," Negaduck snarled. 

"Hey," Dixie said to her sister. "That Crutchy's kind of cute. And I think he likes me." 

Pixie rolled her eyes. "If you say so." 

"So..." Hotep began a little threateningly to Huy, "...you and Mulan had a little...RELATIONSHIP?" 

"No!" Huy exclaimed defensively. "I was no the slightest bit attracted to her!" 

"Yeah, right. That's what you said last time." 

"LAST TIME?! What are you talking about? There WAS no last time!" 

"You get through that okay, buddy?" the Liquidator asked Bushroot. He suddenly felt protective of his green friend. 

Bushroot looked surprised. "Actually, yeah, I did!" 

But Spooky just sighed. There was no one for him to talk to. His beautiful, equine wife, Buttercup, had become a homicidal maniac, and now he was alone in the world. Alone. All alone. 

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Dr. Anton Mordrid was standing there, holding a microphone. Spooky's eyes shined with a child-like happiness as he took the microphone. He knew exactly what to do. "Um, testing, one-two-three. Can everyone hear me?" There was silence in the room as forty-six eyes focused on him. "Okay, guys, I'm gonna sing a song. Ahem. If I NEVER kne-ew yo-o-o-u-u, if I n-e-ever felt thi-i-is l-o-o-ove; I would ha-ave no inkling of--" 

Mordrid grabbed the microphone away. "Sorry about that, everyone. I didn't expect him to do that. Well, whether or not you were aware of this, this place is actually my Castle of Light. I'll be holding a party to celebrate Mulan the Mighty Huntress's defeat--" 

"YES!! Millenium party!" Boots yelled. 

"Kickass!" Crutchy agreed. "Can I make the guest list?" 

"--and you may all invite whomever you want." 

"Hey! Everyone!" Boots yelled over everybody's excited, cacophonous chatter. Does anyone know where a really weird looking alien lives?" 

"Which one?" Quackerjack asked. 

"He has blue eyes and black hair," Vitani clarified. 

"I know him." 

A circle cleared around the speaker. 

Negaduck eyed everyone suspiciously, then continued, "His name's Weyoun. I've got his card. I was going to have him genetically engineer something for me." 

"What?" Megavolt asked, fascinated. 

"None of your business, knob!" the duck shouted. 

"Sorry." 

Vitani bounded up to Negaduck and drew herself up to her impressive full height of approximately two feet. "Give me the card!" 

"You know, young lady, you need to learn some manners," he said disapprovingly. 

A sour look settled on her face, but the thought of her brother made up her mind. "May I please have the card, sir?" 

A rousing cheer went up as Negaduck handed the newly-polite young lady Weyoun's business card. Then Vitani ran to a pay phone. 

"Make sure you invite that rascally alien!" Mr. Banana Brain's corpse called. 

Meanwhile, in a corner of the room, Ling and Mulan sat holding hands and giggling. Don't ask how, but they were in love. "Mulan," Ling began nervously, "I have something to ask you." 

"Yes, Ling?" she prompted. 

He took a deep breath. "Will you marry me? I know we haven't known each other very long, but--" 

"Ling," she interrupted him. "Yes." 

"Yes?" 

"Yes." 

"Yes!" 

They kissed happily. 

"Ew, gwoss!" Meeko yelled. 

"You guys is icky!" Flit agreed. 

Mulan and Ling laughed and kissed again. 

Vitani hung up the phone at that moment. "He can come! And he's bringing Nuka!" 

Boots hugged her. "Yay!" 

"Hey, Crutchy," Dixie greeted suavely, walking up to him (and Boots and Vitani, who were standing nearby). 

"Dixie!" Crutchy yelped. Then, he smiled nervously. He really didn't know what to say. She was so pretty. "Um...hi..." 

She gave him a dazzling smile. "Listen, if you don't already have plans, do you wanna go to Dr. Mordrid's party with me?" 

"Well...I...uh...that is..." 

"Say yes," Boots whispered to him. 

"Yes," Crutchy answered automatically. 

"Great!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he fainted. "Oops." 

I bet you think that's the end. Well, it's not! And y'know what? I don't want to hear any complaints about this story being long, boring, and stupid. Because I KNOW that it's all of those things. However, there are still some loose ends. Don't believe me? 

~ 

EPILOGUE

Suffice to say that it was a happy ending. Crutchy and Dixie went to the party on a double date with Vitani and Boots. Ling and Mulan eventually got married. Francisco and Miriam started dating and got engaged. Pixie and Snipes went out for awhile, but then they broke up and decided to be "just friends". Haidera and Nuka married and had a whole mess of scrawny little cubs. And as was subtly alluded to, Megavolt and Cinder got married. I think. I mean, they haven't e-mailed for awhile, so... 

Hotep and Huy didn't remain angry with each other. They're good friends. Although Huy began to see someone awhile ago, so I guess we all now know he IS heterosexual. Meeko and Flit...? Ah, who am I kidding, you don't even WANT to know. Negaduck, Quackerjack, Bushroot, the Liquidator, and Megavolt still functioned as the Fearsome Five, and sometimes Cinder joined them. They continued to bother Darkwing with their rather destructive crimes. 

Spooky married a nice mule from Queens. 

Weyoun was forced to activate his self-termination implant by his next clone, because, let's face it, he was insane. 

Herbert West was insane too, and he vanished. The circumstances that surrounded his disappearance were very mysterious. 

Yao escaped from the Thing That Used To Be Dr. Julian Subatoi Bashir by beating it over the head with a burning stick. 

Dr. Anton Mordrid, Master of the Unknown, was never seen again after the big bash he threw. Some say that his party coordinator, Franck Eggelhoffer, drove him over the edge. Others whisper that he became a monk in Azerbaijan. But the few who really knew him tell the others: no. Mordrid devoted the remainder of his life to watching over Mulan the Mighty Huntress. For surely, were she to escape... 

We would all be hurled into the sun as our world suffered its ultimate demise. 

THE END!

Bigger, better, more comprehensive disclaimer: Okay. I know that I've already got a disclaimer, but it's really vague, and I'd like to credit people. So. Starting from the beginning: 

Boots, Crutchy, Swifty, Jack, Mush, Ling, and Yao all belong to Disney. The first five in that list are from the 1992 film Newsies, which I absolutely cannot STAND, but that's neither here nor there. Ling and Yao are from 1998's Mulan, which I love. Dr. Mordrid is owned by...Full Moon? Well, he's owned by whoever thought him up. 

Mulan the Mighty Huntress was an idea thought up by me when I noticed Frannie's Mulan action figure laying in a pile of dust bunnies, which was originally what she was supposed to hunt. However, the character Mulan is owned by Disney. Nuka and Vitani are ALSO owned by Disney, and they are from The Lion King II: Simba's Pride (also a stupid movie, when you come right down to it). 

Rajah is copyrighted by Disney. Although he's not a magic focusing lens in Aladdin, which is what he's from. 

Snipes, Race, and Blink also belong to Disney. Dr. Julian Subatoi Bashir and Nog are owned by Paramount and are from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", which was a wonderful show! And now it's gone! Argh! 

Herbert West originally was created by H.P. Lovecraft, but the one I'm using is basically from the 1985 movie Re-Animator. It's a great movie. The scene in the beginning of part 5 is from Castle Freak, and I'm not really sure who I should credit for that. 

Weyoun is also from Deep Space Nine, and he is, therefore, also owned by Paramount. 

Meeko and Flit are from Pocahontas, and I realize that they DON'T talk in the movie, but that's a REALLY long story, and I'm not going to go into it. Oh, it's been brought to my attention that their VOICES belong to the two of us (I'm Flit, Frannie is Meeko). Megavolt, Quackerjack, and Mr. Banana Brain are all from "Darkwing Duck", which is owned by Disney. Tee hee. Those three are the best, dudes. 

Darkwing Duck is owned by Disney as well. 

Spooky, Buttercup, and Ista are all owned by Frannie and me. Ista is a character from some Newsies fanfiction I wrote...ugh, that's embarrassing...though I stole the name from some Anne McCaffery novels. Just the name. Not the character. Spooky is our cat's name. The whole thing behind that is that we talk to her (yeah, our cat's a she, not a he) and then one of us uses this deep, macho voice to make Spooky "answer". It's quite pathetic, really. Buttercup is completely out of my own mind. 

Haidera is my own character, who I created specifically for the purpose of writing Simba's Pride fanfiction. She is MINE. 

Part 11 ("The House") is mostly a rip-off of The House on Haunted Hill. If you've seen this movie, then you know what I'm talking about. In fact, that was the best part of the movie, so...yeah. Francisco is owned by the same people who own Dr. Mordrid. 

Hm, gosh. There's a lot in part 12. Well, first of all, the "good Mulan" is obviously owned by Disney. So are Bushroot and the Liquidator. They're from Darkwing Duck. At some point in the chapter, Boots starts repeating everything Vitani says, only in the form of a question. This is from an episode of "NewsRadio". God, I love that show. At another point in this chapter, Darkwing yells, "newsie experience". This is an inside joke, but I really need to let the world know how I feel about this. Y'see, fans of Newsies have a strange compulsion to let people know when they see mundane, everyday things that HAPPEN to appear in Newsies. It's bizarre, I know. For instance: suspenders. If they're red, woo boy. If you happen to be a Newsies fan, then I'm not apologizing for this. I just want you to know that it's really, REALLY sad. You can flame me if you want, though. I like getting mail. Oh, and e-mail Aurora. I wrote this disclaimer. 

Alrighty then. The bullet that sounds like the Taco Bell chihuahua was thought up by me one day when I was very bored in school. Probably in history. I tended to get a little nutty in there. But the Taco Bell chihuahua isn't owned by me, and I didn't mean any offense by the bullet having a foreign accent. Like I said, I was bored and insane. And probably freezing my ass off. Pixie and Dixie belong to us. 

Negaduck is from Darkwing Duck, so he belongs to Disney, and that completes the Fearsome Five! Yeah, they're all here. Fun, fun, fun. The lyrics "daring duck of mystery" are from the Darkwing Duck theme song. Also owned by Disney. 

Hotep, Huy, and Miriam are owned by Dreamworks SKG and are from The Prince of Egypt. Granted, we altered the characters to the point of not being able to even recognize them, but...yeah. The lyrics to "When You Believe" and "Deliver Us" were written by Stephen Schwartz. 

And I'm tired of scrolling up and down to find stuff. So this is what's left over. Cinder is owned by me myself--me being Aurora if you haven't figured out by now--and she happens to be a character that I still think is rather cool. Franck Eggelhoffer (who's mentioned) is from Father of the Bride and consequently is owned by whoever made that. The lyrics to "If I Never Knew You" are copyright Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz. Dr. Vannecut (and I don't know how to spell his name) is from The House on Haunted Hill, and is owned by whoever made that. The Machine is owned by me. It was a pretty good idea, don't you think? No, probably not. The whole thing with "The Switch" is from an episode of "Darkwing Duck". Just Us Justice Ducks, actually. 

Alright, I've gone on and on and on now, but I'm done. If you actually finished reading this, congrats. Really. I admire you. 

Be a responsible reader and leave a comment for us! Pleeeease? You can tell us you hated this. We want feedback. We love feedback. 

~


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